Discussions that mention morphine

Addiction & Recovery board

Hello all,
I've been lurking around this site for a while now. I post sometimes, but mostly lurk. I need help though. I am sick of trying to fight this addiction by myself.I started taking lortabs around 2 years ago or something like that. Like so many of us here, it started as an occasional thing, and quickly progressed into a daily habit. I really never knew the lortabs were all that bad until I was cut-off about a year, or year and a half ago. It only lasted 5 days, but those 5 days were hell. Ever since those 5 days of withdrawl, its been all downhill. I got away from the lortabs, and started doing oxycontin, morphine, dilaudid, fentanyl, and basically whatever else was around. The main problem for a while now has been the oxycontin though. Up until 5 days ago I was taking around 250-300mg. of oxy a day. I never ate them though, I would crush them up and blow them. Well, 5 days ago this morning I got cut off again. So, currently I have been taking 100mg. of lortabs a day. These past few days have been really hard. I have been getting terrible cravings, and some withdrawls. I want more than anything to be off these lortabs. I hate taking them. I feel like it is my whole life, or better yet a lack of a life. I don't feel alive in a way. They make me so lazy and emotion-less. I am prescribed to xanax, so I am sure that the combination of the 2 drugs contributes to the laziness a bit too. I need the xanax though, and do not abuse them so I am not worried about getting off those. I just have almost no self control over the opiates. I have no self control with the oxys at all, just with the lortabs, and the only reason I have any control with the LT's is because of the tylenol in them. But, if I was able to get oxycontin right now, I wouldnt think twice about doing 200 mg. Even though I know that they would only make my addiction worse I wouldn't care because, in my head, they are safer because there's not tylenol in them. Im sure this really isn't true, but it doesn't matter to me if it is or not. That is scary. They are nowhere in sight, and since I hate these lortabs so much, I am going to force myself to get it over with, and get off these. I don't want to have to worry about always having some sort of pill around. I would be happy if I could get completely off the lortabs and just do oxycontins occasionally. I know that is probably wrong and I should stay away from all opiates for a long time, but I just don't feel ready to give up that opiate buzz completely. I guess this is another reason I need help. All I can say for now is that Ill take it one day at a time, and try as hard as I can to stop the lortabs. I would like some advice on a taper plan. I was thinkinabout either cutting down by 1 pill a week, or 1/2 pill a week, or 1 pill every 2 weeks. I don't know which would be best. I have to be able to function. I am in my last year at college, and have just started a new job almost a month ago now. I can't blow either of those things.
I dont really know what else to say, I guess I just wanted to tell someone what I was feeling. I've written this post like 5 times now, but then I just didn't hit that "submit new thread" button. I don't know why, but I didn't. Anyway, thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this, and if anyone knows a good taper plan, please let me know.