rosie quote:To Betty - why on earth would you take a whole bottle of xanax? Are you trying to kill yourself? You can die from this. I knew a guy in Memphis who overdosed on Valium alone... no drinking, no other drugs, nothing. Seriously, are you suicidal? It concerns me that you took a whole bottle simply 'to see if it could be done'.. what if you had died? What are you going through right now?
Why did I take a whole bottle of Xanax? Not to kill myself. I like to experiment and take things to the edge, peeking over to see what it at the bottom. I had read everything that I could about this particular drug. I could not find one death attributed to it. I was taking eight one mg a day at the time, at night, for sleep. No matter how many I took I could not get to sleep. I wasn't taking them for anxiety, as I was never a shy person. Ten years later, still taking them, not eight, but two a night, I have developed social anxiety. Not shy, just don't like to be around a lot of people. I attribute this to the drug. This coming from a person who used to hike all over the US by herself and who followed the Grateful Dead for twenty-five years, from parking lot to parking lot. I find it hard to believe it myself.
I really appreciated your story about your child hood. I have two daughters who would tell a simular story about their lives. At the time I was just living in the moment and trying to take care of my kids and stay out of the looney bin. That is one promise that I have made my husband make to me on our wedding day, no looney bins.
For the *banker*. You said that you are on Prozac and that you have no plans of getting off of it. You also said that there have been no long term studies done on it. That is a drug that I run from. My fiance of 15 years died about twelve years ago. I was a happy person until that moment in time. When I was given the news I felt myself break. I crawled into a ball and covered up my mind. The doctors gave me Prozac. They started me out on one a day and worked me up to 80mg a day. I was suicidal. I had not been before the drug. I laid in bed and thought up ways to kill my husband and how to bury him in the back yard and not get caught. I told my husband what I was thinking. My daughter, who was sixteen at the time, was so scared that she moved out. My husband loved me enough to stay and work with me on it.
I didn't have access to a computer at that time so had to do actual leg work on reseaching what was happening to my mind and body. I wouldn't eat. People thought that I had AIDS, I was so thin. It killed my sex drive as well as my appetite for food and life.
I went out and bought a book on Prozac called, "Talking Back To Prozac". In there they quote several studies that have been done and the side effects. I took that book to my doctor and was going to shove it where the sun doesn't shine. Then I thought about it. If is was doing this to me, what was it doing to other people who were taking it? I called the author of the book and set up a Prozac Survivors Group in the state where I lived. There were groups all over the world. I received so many calls that I eventually stepped down from the position as it was scarring me.
Every case where a mother has killed her child, that has been on the news in the last ten years, anti-depressants have been involved. When OJ was being chased down the freeway they stated that he was on Prozac.
I am not trying to convince anyone to go off of the drug. If it works for them and there are no side effects, great, but I have yet to meet one person who didn't experience side effects. I had friends taking it that didn't even realize that they were wigged out. They had to have interventions done on them. For a long time I knew that I was feeling strange but I was so crazy that, like the woman who killed her children, I thought that I would be doing my husband a favor by killing him.
The doctors don't really know how these drugs work. They are using the public to figure out the effects. The easiest way to explain it is how Microsoft Windows was explained to me by a computer tech. The programmer writes a program. They can't possibley know all of the possible scenerios. They release the program to the public. I believe that it started with Windows '95. Customers would call in with complaints. With each complaint logged they would find a solution and tweak the program. Each time that they released an new program they had fixed problems that they had with the last program. We are now, how many Windows programs later and they still don't have all of the programs worked out? Some people didn't have problems with the first one so didn't switch out. Others found ones that worked for them or not. Same with meds. Each person is such an individual with so many different factors playing into them that the doc messes with your meds until he finds the one that is right for you. I am happy for you if it is Prozac. Some are still taking the old anti-depressants. Some are taking the news one, Celexa, etc. Some are taking drug cocktails.
Rosie: I don't have time to go into it right now, and I am sure not one to one up anyone, but let me tell you about my child hood someday. My entire family could have been on Jerry Springer. What really cracks me up is that when my mom sees that show she says, "How could those people go on tv and talk about their lives, I just don't understand it". I say, how could they not. For beginners.....once upon a time there was a mom and dad with six kids. Mom had a dream that she went into a store to pick up a few groceries, leaving the six kids out in the car alone. Her attention is grabbed by people screaming. She runs out to the car only to find that they are saying that one of the kids has died. She wonders to herself, "Which one?". She looks down to see what dress she has on and then wakes up never knowing which one of her children has died in her dream. This is a reoccuring night mare for years in which my mom wakes up screaming, "Which one?"
First my brother dies, two years older than me. I had gone to see a rock concert that day and wouldn't give him my extra ticket. I sold it at the show. He had new born twins and I thought that he should stay home with them. His girlfriend set him up to get robbed at a shipment of a pound of pot came in that day. He was gut shot while his children lay sleeping in the next room.
Liz, my heroin addict who supported her habit with hooking sister, was beat to death by her husband two years later almost to the month.
Mike, another brother was found dead in his apartment from a morphine overdose two years later.
My oldest brother is an addict.
My youngest brother is an addict.
The twins turned out to be dealers and addicts.
My sister's daughter is sitting in jail for grand theft from my grandmother to support her heroin habit.
My brother's girlfriend had another child seven months after his death giving the twins a baby brother. He is in jail. He is an addict.
I have been an addict for my whole entire life. I just change drugs of choice. Right now it is Xanax. Had it stayed heroin or cocaine I surely would be dead.
My husband is a recovering addict.
The funny part is, my grandmother, who is 99 hasnever taken so much as an aspirin in her life.
My daughter can relate to your story. The father of her child came home from school one day to find his mother dead in the front yard. It was a small town and the coroner was not in that day. She laid there for hours until someone covered her up.
As for my kids, I cringe to think of the stories that they tell about thier lives with me.
Death surrounds me,
Death envelops me,
Death will consume me.
I am not afraid of death. I have stood at its door and it has turned me away.
At the age of eighteen, tired of addiction, tired of life, I consumed 59 Seconal that I had bought from my dealer that day. They knew that I had taken 59 as I had bought 100 for $10.00 and I had 41 left in the bag. I went into cardiac arrest. I was dead for over three minutes. I have no idea why I came back but to tell my story someday. Some day there will be a book.
But fo right now, I am just enjoying the ride>>>>>>> :D