Discussions that mention morphine

Addiction & Recovery board

Pain is pain Root.what we feel about our pain,and how we feel it,and just how it affects YOUR life is what is really relevent.Your pain might not be at the same level as mine, but just the fact that it is affecting you and your life,and what you are able to and not able to do is what is the most important.The pain that i was having before my first surgery(the C-spine fusion?)Was pretty bad,and i thought, "boy.it cant get much worse than this".Wrong.I was still working up until i had the first surgery,and went back to work about eight weeks after,still in pain but was fairly tolerable.things were still quite painful as unknown to me, I hadn't fused and was walking around with basically,a broken neck at that point.trying to get my NS to believe that something was wrong, was a nightmare in itself.it took about 7 months to convince the idiot that something was wrong.I mean come on, is it normal to have your neck actually 'crunch" everytime you turned your head?And the pain and numbness was back again too.The little bone plug in there was a boppin all over the place hitting different nerves.what a joy!After the surgery to place hardware, my pain level just shot through the roof,Nothing made it better,it was at a now almost constant(or what I felt at the time)about an eight on the old pain scale.Keep in mind now that when using the pain scale, with ten being the worst that you have ever felt,in comparison to what i HAD been feeling before, this was definitely an eight.little did i know at the time, the worst was yet to come.

while i was having ALOT of pain and really bad inflammation in the R side of my neck and shoulders,there was an even worse pain that I had been experiencing under the R shoulder blade that was absolutely unrelenting.It was a rather hidious,gnawing pain that was there 24/7,and no matter what i did, I would get at least a little relief in the neck and shoulders,but nothing in the shoulder blade area.i kept trying to convince my NS all this time that something just was not right in there.I kept asking him if it might be the hemangioma inside my spinal cord that was causing the horrid pain,I also kept asking him if the hemangioma had bled at all and he kept telling no.At this point, i was in a major depression, my pain was still at an eight, i could not go back to work and was basically just miserable.That is when I asked my GP to refer me to the U of M.

I HAD to have a second opinion on this as my NS was an absolute jerk,and no help at all.I went to the U as when my son was there for his transplant in 2000,he was so well taken care of by everyone there,and i felt that a teaching hospital is up on all of the latest procedures and would be the most helpful as i was dealing with something that could have huge ramifications if not treated correctly.By this time, my pain was devistating my life,and was running about an eight to ten, with the flare ups from hell.The first thing that the new NS told me was that #1,the hemangioma HAD bled,and was now taking up one third of the cord space at the C-7,T-1 area.#2,it was indeed,the reason for the horrid,gnawing pain that I was having and it needed to come out as if i had another ,even small bleed,i would become instantly,and completely paralyzed from the chest down.

One of the things that this NS told me was that after the surgery, I would have what he referred to as "extreme pain".i didn't think at the time that my pain could possibly get much worse than what i was already feeling.Oh my god, when an NS tells you that you will have extreme pain, he means EXTREME ,totally beyond description,feeling like you just want to die, pain!On a scale of one to ten, this was a definite twenty!I was on a dilaudid PCA, and i was constantly pushing the button,and was also having morphine bumps every hour on the hour.for the first two days in the iCU, i had absolutely NO control over the pain, i was constantly thrashing all over the place as the pain was just running amuck. i kept thinking back to the pain i had had in the past,and in comparrison to what i was currently having, that old pain that i had felt was at an eight to ten,was about a two when compared to what I was having now.

So you see, when you have a certain pain, and nothing to really compare it to, you think that it feels just so overwhelming at the time.I actually started really longing for the days before the surgery when I tHOUGHT that i was feeling the worst possible pain ever.If your pain is taking control over your life, if you cannot do the things that you once were able to,and are not getting the proper pain control,this is a really huge deal for you.No matter how bad you think someone elses pain is when compared to yours, if it is devistating every aspect of YOUR life,and making you just miserable,that is what matters here.i know for a fact that things could have turned out much,much worse than they did for me,and feel very thankful for what i still have.Don't ever feel guilty or bad for having pain that is less than someone elses and feeling devistated sometimes because of it.pain is pain.and the way it affects you and your quality of life is what really matters the most.If you are suffering in any way because of it, you have every right to feel bad.sorry this got a little longer than i planned,but you need to put your pain in perspective root,how YOUR pain affects YOU and your everyday life is what determines just how bad it is,not when you compare it to what someone elses pain is like.just be thankful for what you still have,as it can always be much worse.thinking this way is what really helps me the most in dealing with what i am going through.

I am very glad that we are friends too root.Keep on sending that positive energy my way, every little bit helps you know.I'll use it and send more right back at ya.take care Root, Marcia
Merdeth, I can't thank you enough for taking time from your own problems to send me a mesage. I realy needed it. I am so amazed at what you said about my enrgy waking you up. You probly know that I beleive in enrgy and that I think of God as enrgy. So I say I pray for people because most can understand that but I realy send a very thought full enrgy. It's like my conection to God and one or even more than one person. It is my form of prayer. What you wrote put so much ease on my soul. Things are not clear but they are geting clearer as to what I should do. I do go to meetings at least 4 times evry week but it is hard to talk about drugs at AA. I also have a frend who was the one who took me to my first AA and I trust him and love him like my brother. I will read and re read your mesage. I know with out any doubt that you have a power full conection with the Divine. Thank you again.

Banker I want to thank you to because you have your own hands and heart full of your own troubles. My doc talk to me about meth some time back but I don't want to go on a drug that might could be even harder to get off than hydro. I still have that beleif that I can do with out narcotics. So when I saw him last week that is why he put me on what I am on which is a long acting morphine because I think it would be easier to come off than meth. I am starting to realy bond with Luke. At first I just kind of liked him like he was some one else's dog, but now he is worming his way in to my heart and I kind of don't like it because I know he will go the way of Joey and I don't want to live through some thing like that again. But if I don't let him love me and love him back, then I will miss out on a lot of years of loving. So we are doing good and I have a traner who is helping me to teach him how to behave. He is smart but he is still a baby so I have to be patient with him just like he is with me. Banker I hope you are doing good and I thank you and Merdeth for caring about me. You know I am sending you positive enrgy and prayers.