hi all -
just started reading this thread. Has anyone heard from Lisa? Lisa if you are reading this, i hope you are ok! your story really moved me and also made me worry and want to help. i posted a version of my update in another chain, but here is a lil bit of my story too....
I, too, have a mean percocet addiction of several years... 6 maybe? maybe more.. im also a chronic pain patient (im 35) due to migraines and degenerative disk disease and i fell into the trap of eventually taking them cause they feel good not just for my pain. I usually blow through my script like u... i get 150 of the perc 10/325 and they are gone in like 2 weeks and then when i actually need them for a pain situation, they are gone. it's no way to live.
i just got my week sober... but then injured my back. i actually waited a week, took no pills or anything and then finally got cortizone shots to help with the pain (and more so to help with the amount of pills i knew i'd have to take as the pain has just gotten worse). The past 3 days I have had to take a small amount of pills when the pain has just gotten to be too much so i can physically function (i am moving and am in the middle of packing). BUT i am actually controlling my intake cause i have finally had enough. And boy is it HARD to not take more than what i need for the pain, but i just have to keep my head on straight. for me, i reached a point where i had enough, it just clicked in my brain where i just felt sick of being sick and out of control. where i just need to be sober. you can give yourself that power back too sweetie. it's a hard road for sure, but it gets easier and surely ends up easier than the place you were in when you initially posted.
you sound like you have the desire too, to change things up. just fear is stopping you, which i'll bet everyone on this board has had to struggle with especially as they take those first steps. you are not alone. not at all. and you shouldn't feel ashamed. these things happen... and they can happen to good people, hon! so dont get down on yourself. none of us should.
I've also used coke while on pills (i dont think i've admitted that to the board yet)... i dont have an issue with it like what i have happening with the percs... but if im intoxicated, i'll do it and do it til it's gone. no matter how much is there. i try to avoid places where it is but the only thing that SUPER keeps that in check for me is my fiance who HATES coke and basically forbids me to do it... especially while i struggle with pills since that mix is so dangerous. i didn't like admitting that, but it does feel good. and i'm sure it will help with my recovery.
please post and let us know if you are ok. all of us struggle, have embarrassments, fall off the horse etc... but this board is really lovely because so many people care and will be there for you through and give you great advice. they have all been through it too, so you dont have to feel alone. sometimes when i feel alone or scared, i post or just read the board to help me focus on my goal. especially now while i try hard not to abuse my meds right now and stop them as soon as I can.
it's never too late to look back into that center you found, or to tell your doctor, or delete contacts from your phone so it's harder to get drugs. All this is easier said than done, but as you take these little steps things WILL get easier andn your steps will eventuallly grow larger and more confident. and that feeling (as cheesy as it sounds) is better than any drug... when you start to get back into the world again. that's a fantastic high, i promise. keep taking steps to get there.:)
if you can, let this board help give you some strength.
thinking of you! (sorry i rambled... looks like i needed to get some things off my chest too. :)