Discussions that mention prozac

Depression board

I'm certainly not going to try and cheer you up, rather, I just want you to know that you are not alone. I also struggle with very undescribable feelings of panic and hopelessness. I am also an addict, thankfully I'm recovering but I can't help but think that I've totally screwed up my brain. I feel "weird" or "different" quite often. It feels like I'm not really "here" and it scares the heck out of me. I can go several weeks, maybe even months and feel quite normal, my self esteem is up and I feel worthwhile. Then out of the blue, it just snaps and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. No reason in particular, I just want to go to sleep forever. I'm a mother to 3 small children with whom I stay home all day. I love them more than life and feel so sad that they had to get me for a mother... Their lives will never be "normal", whatever that is.
I have diagnosed as bi-polar by three different doctors, but I refuse to take more medicine. I'm afraid to get more screwed up than I already am. I've been taking Paxil off and on for 7 years, my doctor added Wellbutrin a year ago b/c the Paxil doesn't seem to be working anymore, but it doesn't really help. I know I need to try a different drug, but I'm too afraid of all the side effects as I've tried Zoloft, Prozac, buspar, Lexapro, Trofranil and Wellbutrin with no luck. Paxil was like a miracle drug when I first started it, now I think it's make me worse. I feel terribly alone because no one "gets" me and don't quite no what to do next.
I, by the way, swear I have MS.. The way I've been feeling lately, I almost wish there was something I could blame these horrible feelings on. I'm a terrible hypo-chondriac; have been my whole life. ANyway, sorry to rant, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone.
Mary Beth