Discussions that mention prozac

Bipolar Disorder board


I grew up with a BP mom and never had anyone to talk to about it. I grew up being physically, mentally and verbally abused. I need to know that I am not the only one who goes through this...it has been 33 years and I know it will never end.
I grew up in a large family, 5 kids, and I got the brunt of my Mother's anger...not sure why. She was in and out of the mental hospital, even got shock therapy back in the day once. As a child we were not told what was wrong...mom went away and we were watched by neighbors, teachers, even a lady who only spoke Polish once. My mom would beat me with wooden spoons, I refuse to have one in my home to this day. A beating may be provoked or for no reason. She was very verbal too, calling you names and swearing a lot. My childhood memories are not the greatest and bad outweighed the good most of the time. She would beat me then come back later remorseful and said she loved me. As I got older it got very verbal, I was very scared of my mother. I can say she has gotten better but it will never be "normal." She spends a lot of money, she is always sick...she is currently dying (she said the doctor told her that) she LIES!! LIES!! LIES!! she is very good at making you feel VERY guilty and this one she uses on my daughter. I am 33 and I am TIRED of tip-toeing around her. I have been in and out of therapists offices, on Prozac for a while and ALL of them say I will never be truly free until I move away from her...distance is the key. I hate me life, I am never happy and I cry a lot. I can't sleep and my marriage is strained. Yesterday she was at the doctor for this bladder infection thing and of course she is dying again. She requires all of the attention so she is always sick. I have for a while now been suffering what I believe are the effects of massive stress with big stomach issues. I am NOT allowed to be sick, young people don't get sick you know...that's what we started yelling about. I don't give a crap about her and she doesn't give a crap that I am sick. I use my parents, I have no heart.
She says she hears voices sometimes too. I am so lost right now...I just bought a house after contemplating moving to Florida we decided to stay and I made the wrong choice. I feel my torment will never end until one of us is dead and the way it's going it may be me with all the stress and the effects it is having on my body. I know she is sick but I can't accept it, I have tired. I grew up without a mother, I had an abuser. I'm tired...I can't continue this anymore. My daughter needs her mom and I don't have the strenght half the time to even be Mom.