Discussions that mention prozac

Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill board

This is much longer than I hoped. Thank so much in advance for reading this.

I'll try to make this as brief as possible. My father is 62 he recently (5 weeks) had a pacemaker installed and started on beta blockers for an electrical abnormality in his heart. He's recovering well. He's starting to walk a bit in the mornings and has quit smoking. Yay for him! We've all been very supportive and said how great he's doing.

He has a tendency towards depression. He's been on lexipro for a couple of years, prozac before that. 8 years ago he was diagnosed with non hodgkins lymphoma. He went through chemotherapy and has been in remission. We were out of our minds when he was diagnosed. We did everything we could for him. We spoiled him rotten. Everything was about Dad. Since then, he gets a tiny cold or anything minor and he blows it out of proportion. Acts like he's dying. Whines and pants and moans until someone finally gives in and pays special attention to him. My mother has always been very attentive..too attentive..enabling almost. She's 60 and tired. Physically and mentally because it's always about HIM. She has health concerns also but takes them in stride.

He had his pacemaker and a week later...fine no depression. Two weeks later, some adjustments still heart palpitations, no depression. 3 weeks a little fluid in his lungs, no depression. It was like when he hit four weeks and really started feeling better...when things returned to normal he got depressed. He told my mom he was in a funk and depressed. She scheduled an appt with his Dr.
That night he told me he was suicidal...but that he wouldn't really do it. Whatever that means. He said he feels like his health issues are his fault, even though he says logically he knows they arent. He blames himself so he should just end it.

When he's feeling better? When his health is better than it has been in years?

I suggested that perhaps he doesn't feel like he has control over his health and that maybe he feels like 'ending it' would be in his control. That maybe he doesn't like to feel like he's at the mercy of his body and that he doesn't want to wait for something else to happen. We talked for an hour and a half. I suggested that he volunteer, get his mind off himself and make a difference in someone else's life. He sounded much better..he loves to talk about himself and will often change the subject back to himself when talking with others. Embarrasing and irritating.

He's always been rather selfish. My mother has always catered to him. She's worked two jobs when he had none. He conveniently doesn't remember this.
He's just always thought about himself first..and not considered others. Not a mean or bad father...just less than considerate.

He went to the Dr. He prescribed xanax for the anxiety and upped his Lexipro to 20mg a day....that was Tuesday. Still today he tells my mother that he should end it and even motioned with his finger in his mouth like a gun. He was driving and my mother was a passenger, my 7 year old niece in the back seat (thank goodness she didn't see him!)

I think he's doing this for attention and because he's getting better too quickly. I know he didn't expect it. He even pressed the Dr. for information about his heart damage. We told him many times and the Dr's told him many times - NO HEART DAMAGE. He just insists on talking about it.

I feel like he's bullying my mother. It's emotional abuse. She's done everything she can to get him help. He uses his depression to treat her like crap. She can't say anything to him that might piss him off. And she can't help anymore than she has. She's not a therapist.
He won't go see a therapist. He uses me like a therapist. I'm the youngest and we are the closest. When My husband and I go stay for the weekend, we always talk about him...what's up with him. Nearly everytime I go he fakes an illness to get more attention.

I feel like I ruined him when he had cancer. I sent him gifts when he had chemo, I cooked special things for him. I researched until I was blue in the face...everything.
I'm 35 with no children. I have a wonderful supportive husband but I just can't be his therapist. I don't even know what the heck I'm talking about. I can't be my mothers therapist either. What if I say something wrong?
I want to tell her to be hard on him but what if he kills himself?

I honestly don't thing he will, I truly believe he won't... I feel horrible for even saying it but I think it's all about attention. He hasn't said one thing to my older sister. She lives across the street from them. Not one word because she just clams up, she can't deal with it. He doesn't get that kind of attention from her.

Suggestions? Anyone? Am I being too hard on him? What more can we do?