Discussions that mention prozac

Addiction & Recovery board


Wow, I'm not really certain where to begin... I've been watching and reading for a while now (lurking, I believe, is the proper expression) and I think I'm finally ready to say something... these stories inspire me. I can't explain the emotion that takes over me constantly as I read one thread after another. I cry, I smile, I get goosebumps because some of your stories are so eerily similar to mine, I'm not alone, I'm not by myself in this, there are lot's of you out there that understand what this is like cuz you have been there too... So, here's my story...
I have been popping pills off and on for about 20 years. It started when I was 15 years old and my dr. put me on pain killers for bad cramps, at first they just eased the pain, eventually I realized that they eased all pain (emotional pain too...) same story over and over again- my biological mom was a drunk, dumped my brother and I when we were babies for the almighty beer (ps, I think my husband might be an alcoholic too, SIGH...) daddy saved us, saved our lives, and then he spent our teen years beating us, we were removed by the state shortly there after. Dad went to counseling and parenting classes, he's changed his life, it's very important for me to say that... he and I are good now, I've forgiven him and he's forgiven me, but... I still steal from him, from my mom too, and my brothers, and my husband and my friends- I steal thier pills. I hate myself for it (here comes the guilt and the shame...) but I don't seem to be able to stop...
I havn't taken anything since March 1st- I think the physical w/d's are over but my head is really messing with me. Would you believe that I have depression issues too? so, I'm really not sure if i'm doing this the right way or not, on thursday March 1st, I stopped taking all my med's, including prozac for depression, (I know this was dangerous, but I survived) premarin for hormone replacement therapy (remember the cramps that started this at 15? well, eventually it turned into endometriosis and after multiple trmt.s and surgeries, I finally had a hysterectomy, thus the HRT) and last but not least... oxycontin and oxycodone. guess where I got the oxy's? stole them from my brother who almost died in a horrible car accident and was sent home from the hospital on the magical little pills. I still crave them, really bad, and I could go to the doctor or back to my brothers house and get more but for some reason I've been able to stop myself, maybe it's this board... I'm finding strength here.
So, the short of it is, I'm so sick of pills running my life, I want control back, I'm determined for sure, but I'm terrified.
I have a precious daughter that I adore, and if I can't do this for me, I must do it for her. I love her more than anything in the world and I want her to be proud of me.
I'm committed to staying off the pills, I know it won't be easy but I'm sick to death of doing the same thing over and over again... popping pills, feeling great, running out of pills, realizing that what I'm doing is wrong, getting really sick, feeling better again, popping more pills, and starting all over again. sigh... it's enough.
Thanks for all your stories, they truly do inspire me, I think if I stay right here with all of you, I just might survive this.