I can relate, Julianna. It is an endless cycle. I feel physically sick which makes me depressed and then the medicine they give me for the multiple health problems causes more depression. Add being single with a family that can't seem to understand that my energy level just isn't what they think it should be, so they add "guilt trips" to the list. I probably did the wrong thing by not complaining when I hurt or felt bad. I trained myself to always keep a smile on my face and just keep going until I could finally get to my home and collaspe. Now, when things are so bad, my doctors just don't seem to believe me. At least their attitude seems to indicate they don't believe me. One just keeps writting scrips for pain pills, more and more pain pills, but he never tries to help me find a reason for the pain. Another just adds to the pills. I don't think they even look at the list of medications I fill out at each appointment or they would wonder why I am on valium, ultram, requip, wellbutrin and about 6 other prescriptions all to help me sleep, battle pain, deal with depression or just function on a daily basis. People without a chronic illness have no idea how difficult daily life can be because people can't see your pain. With cancer or some high profile illness, people offer words of encouragement and bend over backwards to offer to help you. But with a chronic illness like depression or fibromyalgia that can't be seen, you look so normal and you are expected to be "yourself" 100% of the time. Sometimes I wish I did have cancer. At least people would understand. Anyone reading this who has a family member with a chronic illness, please learn to be understanding. We know our limits. We know what makes us hurt or feel bad. We know when to draw the line. So if we say no to something, don't push, just realize that maybe we need some down time to regroup our bodies so we don't get sick.
Thank you for your reply Cheesesandwich. I have learned after everything the last 9 years i tell my children when i need to rest. when i push myself through the pain and pretend it isn't there than i just up having several days that i am uncapable of doing anything and yes everything seems to be on the inside people see i look fairly young because i am 34 and after dealing with such horrible pain you cry for the first few months and then realize that crying just makes your body hurt worse. i can smile like you said and still have pain that is surpassing the 10 scale at the doctors office. unfortunately when we go to the doctors we can't let them experience exactly what we are going through for about 5 minutes and then i am sure their response would be sooooooooo much different. Please don't wish to have cancer on top of everything else...........but i do know what you mean there are days when i wish everything would just end..........but then there are days that even when it seems that it can't get anyworse God Feels me Head to toe with Peace and helps me carry on unto the next day . I don't know why we go through and endure all that we do but i have learned after years of Pretending to be strong kids are smart and it really is better to try and help them understand what your going through. I just explain to them not every MOM can go 24/7 there friends with mothers like that are very blessed and then one day last year my middle daughters best friends mother got Breast cancer and you know what thank GOD my daughter was use to my condition because she was there for her friend and even helped with her friends mom and all i could do was pray, but ALL we can do sometimes is ALL we can do.It was hard for my kids for a long time but now as they are getting older 11, 13 and going on 15 they really do understand and i had it in my head that they would hold it against me forever but you know even if you can't get off the couch you can still say how was school or you wanna talk about your day or things might be rough but just seeing a smile on your face makes mommy smile on the inside even if i can't on the outside. For a long time i was so protective of my kids i never wanted them around when i wasn't doing well but today i am proud to say we are closer than we have ever been and even when all i do is lay i can still listen and thats something ALOT of children don't get is there parent caring about what they want to talk about. they may try the "your always sick" or " none of my friends have to deal with this" but really what they are saying is "MOM just as much as it breaks your heart not to be able to do all the things you want. It hurts my heart too so lets find a way to have our own special moments" anyways that is the approach i have taken the last year and i am REALLY starting to see a difference................Plus even if we were the healthiest MOMS in the WORLD we would still fall short somehow..........just don't shorten your time by pushing your self so hard that you weakin faster i don't know what your beliefs are but i still pray everyday and no one can convince me that it's a waste of time i believe GOD answers in his time not in ours. My thoughts are with you and your family