Discussions that mention seroquel

Depression board

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Hello everyone...

It's been awhile since I have visited this board. The first reason being the atmosphere. Everyone seemed to be attacking each other. Of course, I understand that we all have our opinions but I decided to stay away from the increasing amount of negativity. Afterall, this is supposed to be a support board, right? I believe one can express their opinions and offer advice without being brash or hateful. The second reason I haven't posted in awhile is b/c I was without internet access at my home for a few months. And with the way work has been going, I had no time to get online there.


Unfortunately, life hasn't gotten any better for me. In fact, it's worse.

Early July, my Grandmother suffered multiple heart attacks and was hospitalized for about two weeks. This was a major stressor for me. I missed about a week of work due to hospital trips. My Grandmother is stable for now but my family and I worry constantly.

As some of you may remember, I was going through a horrific breakup. Back in July, my Ex and I hooked up TWICE and I ended up pregnant. I had been off my birth control pill for about 3 weeks. I found this out in September. I was absolutely devestated and ready to end it all right then and there. The pregnancy took it's physical toll on me. I couldn't stand up for more than 5 minutes without getting dizzy. I passed out in the shower at least 5 times. I had a constant headache and my blood pressure was dangerously low. I almost lost my job b/c I missed so many days. This and other obvious circumstances made us decide that terminating the pregnancy was the right thing to do. I still have not come to terms with this and struggle with it daily. However, I do know I made the right decision. It doesn't mean I don't hurt...

Due to these events, my therapist increased my Zoloft dosage from 50 to 100 mg and the Seroquel from once a day to three times a day. I was desperate for relief so I did what she said. I had gained about 5 lbs from the pregnancy but within a month, I went from 109 to 122. This may sound trite, but I totally lost it when I realized I was gaining weight. If some of you are familiar with body dysmorphia, which I have, you will understand the panic that came with the pounds. The depression was back and in full swing, as if it ever really went away. The Zoloft wasn't helping the way it did when I first took it. I told my therapist about this and the weight gain and she told me to give it three months. Well, it's been three months and nothing has changed. I'm worse, if anything.

The past month has been torture. I sleep constantly and hate going out in public and if I do, I have to be intoxicated. Which in turns causes me to be even that more depressed the next day. I went on some kind of binge eating spree a few weeks ago which certainly didn't help my weight. I went to a party the other night and my Ex was there. Of course, I was drunk. We both were and ended up going back to his place. I had a major breakdown right there in front of him. I cried so hard I couldn't breath. I scared myself b/c I've never broke down like that. The next day, which was T-giving, I holed myself up in my room and refused to get out of bed until Saturday when a friend of mine came by and literally drug me out, got me ready and took me out.

I'm also smoking like a freight train. I smoke a pack a day. I'm dabbling in marijuana again and although I only may go out once a week, I drink until I'm very drunk. I don't get sick or pass out but still. I was at a friend's house a few weeks ago and her sister's roommate was snorting oxy. The scary thing is, for a split second, I almost did it. Thank goodness my friend took me outside and shook some sense into me.

I'm just at the point that I want this pain to end. I can not snap out of it. I can not cheer up. I can not pull myself up by my bootstraps or whatever that stupid saying is. I don't want to be this way. People do not seem to understand that depression IS a disease. You can't tell someone with cancer to "snap out of it". My family is semi-supportive but they have their own problems. My friends are getting sick of me and I can't blame them. I'm so negative about almost everything. I find myself super paranoid. I'm totally anti-government and anti-religion right now. I go off on tangants about organized religion and all the hypocrits...and why? It's none of my business really what people believe. I'm so confused about religion and God and all of that. I have no direction. I'm ....lost.

I've got myself back on my old diet plan that helped me lose 30 lbs a few years ago and I'm working out everyday. I've also taken it upon myself to wean myself off of Zoloft and Seroquel. I do not think I will go back to my therapist b/c it is too expensive...and my goodness, I don't even want to go into my financial problems right now (two summons in one month for credit card bills). I'm leaning towards going to my family doctor and asking her to help me with the zoloft and put me on something else. I'm just freaked b/c I've heard so many people say they've gained weight on zoloft. My therapist swears my weight gain is due to the pregnancy and the fact I ate whatever I saw in sight for two months and quit going to the gym.

Soooooo...that's my update. Sorry if this post was longwinded. I really needed to get it all out. I'm not sure if any of my old friends are here but if so, please tell me how YOU are doing. And I'm all for making new friends on this board as long as you don't attack me and make me feel like **** more so than I do now.

And Lauren, if you are still here, please let me know. My other email address shut down due to the fact I didn't sign in in over 30 days. I want to know how you are doing.