I started cutting myself at age 8, moving on to the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse living in the right side of my brain at 10, visual and audio hallucinations at 11, and that all went "off and on" for a while. Finally I got into an abusive marriage and the stress of that plunged me totally in to the abyss of schizophrenia. When the devil finally told me to kill my husband at age 37, I finally went to a psychiatrist and have been diagnosed with DID, bipolar, schizoaffective, PTSD, and now chronic schizophrenia. After ECT sessions and much trial-and-error medicating and much psychotherapy, I found out that Zyprexa and Wellbutrin is the only combination that works for me. So for several years, I took the meds just long enough to feel a little better and/or get out of the hospital, then I would stop and end up right back in the hospital again, usually floridly psychotic and suicidal. Just today, as a matter of fact, I finally went back to my psychiatrist of 9 years and told him I have to go back on Zyprexa again. I stopped taking it last April. I started Seroquel in June but have been getting progresssively worse. Sometimes I feel I am in a stupor and can't hardly even breathe, much less actually "have a life." I want a life, sometimes it is just hard to commit to the meds. Having the voices, paranoia, depression, etc., has become the ME THAT I KNOW AND CONNECT WITH. It is hard to take a medicine that takes away the me that I know, even though objectively I know that if I ever expect to do anything but live with my mother and watch TV all day, I have to take the meds. Not easy.