I appreciate the support and words of wisdom...I don't have an endless supply but I do have connections and can get it pretty often. I don't really know what to do at this point. I go from wanting to be free of it to feeling like it's not that bad. I never take more than the amount allowed per day due to the threat of liver problems due to the tylenol. But if it were not for that I am sure I would exceed any amount. I know about sobriety and have been free from alcohol for like a said quite a while. I never want to take another drink but I am sure that this road will likely lead me back to it. I will continue to share here as I feel safe and it helps to reveal the secret atleast to someone. Nobody knows about this in my life except the people I get the vic's from....old "friends" from my former days out there partying. I want to stop before I hit a major bottom which is what happened when I finally quit the booze and other drugs years ago. I only go to the doctor every few months as not to alarm him. I am an addict and know how to play the game..not a good thing. I guess I could say that today I am not ready to stop as I have no intention of flushing them. I pray for guidance but then I take back my will and do it anyway. I am in trouble and I know it. I will keep in touch through this site and hopefully I can detox again and stay stopped. It is a lot harder to get sober than it is to stay sober...I know this but it still isn't stopping me. I am an addict and I know it. The problem is that as long as I feel like I am managing things my addiction tells me it's ok to keep it up. Thank you for your support and hopefully one day my thick head will be penetrated by your good and honest suggestions.