Discussions that mention ultram

Addiction & Recovery board

I know its long but really need support and advice........

Well, where I( left off I was doing very well no vicodin for like 2 weeks. Then I get my refills(plural 2 doctors/ week apart) I ws afraid to start taking them agasin as I should have been. I started out slow, we went camping and I ate them like they were candy. I didnt want to be laid up in bed the entire time.

So no VICODIN since last Thursday. Although I do have a few ultram and some tylonol 3, which seems to be my revolving record. I spent all morning at the therapist crying and letting her know that I was self medicating. That lately all my thoughts are suicidal. She said if it got worse I may have to be evaluated by the hospital, ya know what that means. But Im actually envisioning myself runningmy van into a tree going about seventy, like daily or more.

After I left my therapist I was in gotta get something druglike in my system, so I went to my family dr, and told his PA that I had dumped it all down the toilet, that I know I wasnt gna get a refil but was feeling bad, and having sever panic attacks(not from wd) Been having them since ex-hubby died.

He gave me BUSBAR? 10mg 3 times a day, but it doesnt help immedieatly, Ive heard in some cases it does. Has anyone any experience with it. If it is that is does noithing please dont add that becaus eit will mess with my mind enough to really not work. Yep Ive gone crazy I think.

Then om Tuesdsay went and wined to gyno(had hystoectomy 5 weeks ago) and he gafe me xanax 1 mg 3 times a day, and I actually feel almost sane. Bad drug I know, but alive I am, he also gave me small script of tylonal 3. So I have a very lose doe of opiates at hand and I m hardly taking any two at a time maybe twice a day.

The vicodin 7.5 and loratab 10 was going like 25 to 20 a day before I even relized it. I will be capable to get a refill on August 31, but dont want to. I may not be getting the one on the 8, becasue I kind of fessed up. But in truth I want off this carp.

Im thnking about speaking about some of my ahger over ex'x murder to a pastor and maybe he can give me spirital guidence.

My moms side of the family are all crazy. My mother told me 10 years ago if I didnt stay on the anti-depressent, I would be losing it by now, was she that right. I see it in my daughters, age 13 and believe or not age 4, the depression and panic.

Im sick of being depressed, 20 freaking years and its gotten worse not better. I want to get better. Im hating life. My whole drama is another story(no job, eviction, mostly by getting screwed by wrok comp) sure you guys have been there.

I know this is long but I r4eally need help. Ive been wanting to write but havent had the courage.