Discussions that mention ultram

Addiction & Recovery board

I had been taking Ultracet for 2 years. Prescribed 8x per day but I was taking 3 pills 3x a day. So I guess that's not terrible abuse, but abuse just the same. About a year ago I told my doc that I didn't like taking so many pills in one day and I was concerned about the amount of tylenol I was taking. So he changed me to 1 Ultram ER with Vicodin for breakthrough. Well needless to say, I abused both of them. I was supposed to take the Vicodin 3x per day but there were days I was taking up to 10. My last Ultram was Wednesday morning (only because I ran out and it's too soon for a refill) and my last Vicodin was Sunday morning.

I spent the whole day Sunday in bed. I didn't get out of my pajamas. I took some valium that I have left over from something a while ago and I have slept because of it. I just woke up because my husband left all the lights on in the house because I went to bed before him. I am absolutely dreading tomorrow. I don't really have any physical withdrawal symptoms. I am just wondering how I am going to make it through the day. My pills made me happy and now that I have "outed" myself to everyone, there is no going back. Part of me want to do what is easy, what gets me through the day, what helps me sleep at night so I'm not typing these messages at 1:15 am. But the other part of me is really scared and wants to be able to be the happy productive person I used to be. When I think back it's really difficult to remember that person.

This might sound stupid but I know that I can make it through this. I just don't know how I will explain my absence to the friends that are in my life. How am I going to explain my absence? Am I going to be ostracized? That will really tear me up. I worked so hard to develop a new life in a completely new area when I quit my job to become a full time mom.
It's alot easier for a man to drop out of sight than a woman with young children that need to be carpooled everywhere. If someone other than me shows up at basketball or soccer for a week, there will be many, many questions.

I'm beginning to wonder if I even need to go to detox. Wednesday was my last Ultram and Sunday morning was my last Vicodin. I must admit I took 6 valiums yesterday and slept the day away but I woke this morning and I am feeling ok. My body feels pretty good. It's my brain!!! My problem is my mind doesn't stop racing....thoughts of what if I try to take them again in moderation (which is a joke) or thoughts of I can't do this. My husband has been great but he's not the type that wants to sit and talk with me. He left for work this morning at 5:30 and won't be home until about 9:30 tonight. The thought of being alone is scaring the crap out of me. I just wish I could sleep all day to avoid life. My son will be waking up soon and I so want to be a good mom for him. But my thoughts aren't with him or anything else I need to do today. I have a sink full of dishes and a laundry room full of clothes. Taking pills gave me the energy to get it done. Right now I feel as if I'm just going thru the motions.

I really need professional help and am so lost.