Discussions that mention valium

Addiction & Recovery board


I'm here so obviously I'm worried to say the least. First of all with my family history of heart problems, high blood pressure, strokes and such, it should be obvious to me to make better life decisions. I am a 40 yr. old male, married with 2 wonderful sons.
I have since roughly 1979 liked to pop pills like qualudes, valium, xanax etc. The habitual abuse really of those particular meds have not been a problem (problem="several pills at a time") for years. However, I have been through the mill on depression, panic attacks and anxiety since I turned 30. Triavil, Zoloft, Paxil, Serzone and probably a couple I can't recall. For the past 10 yr. I have been on Tenormin 50mg/day for blood pressure control. At least half of that time I have had my little love affair with the Vicodin,Lortab and other similar happy pills. Now for the first time in my life, I have really gotten myself worried about "ASSUMING ROOM TEMPERATURE" due to my latest curious endevor. Ice and crack. 6 weeks ago I actually started doing this stuff and yesterday had a tremendously bad expierence. The afforementioned Tenormin/beta-blocker med controls my heart rate. For the past 6-8 weeks me and my Dr. have been trying to get me off of the Tenormin and on to Benicar due to sexual side effects and lethargy. Without having added the Meth products, the Tenormin withdraw is an expierence. (fast heartbeat, panic feeling, up and down blood pressure, self adjusting from day to day the dosage etc.) Additionally, this all started as my wife's idea to get her a little from a friend to try. I did so and she did it for a while and I observed and did not initally think it was anything I could possibly handle. Before long a puff here and there and I have noticed that I can really kick but when I use it at work. I have lost weight that I really needed to loose and coinceidentilly on 3-4-03, I went into business with a partner and for the first time in my life am self employed. I have made a ton of money in the last 30 days and largely due to my new found energy. Sounds about right so far hu?? I am alone now for the next 6 or so days as my wife and kids have went to the beach on spring break and I sit here with my heart quivering in my chest wondering what I will do this week. I went and bought myself 20 Vicodin this morning because I am afraid to touch the ice that lay right here in front of me. You know I need the stimulation from something right?? Will I take a bump or two on monday at noon or so when I get tired or busier than I am prepared to "handle"?? Tuesday??
Will I have a massive heart attack?? The discomfort in my chest is ABSOLUTELY there. Oh but I am smart! I had the Dr. give me some more Nitro tabs just this past friday because the ones I had poured out in my little bag and were also expired.. If you read this and can possibly relate, I will hope that something will click and save me for my children's sake..

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REMEMBER; Agun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone....