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Family & Friends of Addicts and Alcoholics board

I posted here a long time ago about my mother who has traded one addiction for another, for as long as I can remember. Her current one is alcohol and probably the one that will kill her. She's already half gone.

I have so many questions for those who are there or have been there and advice on how to deal.

First, for those who wonder why they should fight so hard to become/stay sober, let me share something with you.......last year, my mother tried to kill herself and I sat there in the ER with her, held her while she cried, talked to the docs and watched the ambulance take her to rehab for alcoholism and suicidal probs....the result was awesome but short-lived.

It was the first time in years that I had a 'mom' to be with. She was kind, trying so hard and it was the best birthday I ever had.....and unfortunately last. I lost my dad when I was four, and felt for a long time that I didn't 'have' a mom, in effect, an orphan. I held out so much hope that she would pull through, but within a couple months, she started her slide back down hill again.

I would give anything to have my children know who my mother really is, not this creature she's turned into. She is so spightful, mean-sprited and hateful toward me, I don't know what to do.

My question is, when is it okay to walk away?? I've had all I can handle. She tears me down every chance she gets, berates me for taking parenting classes, and makes fun or forces her opinion that I'm not disabled. She has called me every name in the book, told me I shouldn't have quit driving, even though I was a threat to others due to my illness and concerning my medical problems....she showed up drunk the day I started radiation, the only appt she managed to attend, told me to suck it up when I was told the mortality rate, disbelieved and made fun of the physical limitations imposed on me by this illness and has even gone as far as to let the rest of the family think I'm psychotic, rather than admit I have a true medical problem.

I don't know what to do. She never calls to see how her daughter is, keeps conversations either shallow or launches personal attacks and then blames me for them all. She tries to guilt me for not letting her have my oldest son all the time, tells me that my life revolves around my imaginary illness, makes fun of the steps I'm taking to try to become independant and go thru voc. rehab to get an education that will be worth something....etc.

When is it okay to leave? I feel like if I totally cut her off, she will be pushed over the edge and although not my fault, I will feel like I should have just kept putting up with the verbal abuse. I'm just so tired....I have kids to take care of, a body that doesn't want to work, brain that's not worth a damn and all she can find time to do is tell me how I'm a bad mom, wife, kid, sister...etc. Yet she doesn't do this to my sister.

I have never asked for any kind of help...money, babysitter, place to stay, etc. like my sis has, yet I'm the crap of the family. And the last straw was when she told me that people in the family that we don't see often think I'm crazy and she won't say otherwise because she's on that side of the fence too. I'm just lost and frustrated.

Can you beat a completely addictive personality?? She's always had some form of addiction....shopping, eating, men, prescription pills and now alcohol. She also buys prescriptions from people at work...zoloft, prozac, valium, percocet, etc. and is on lithium and drinking a fifth of vodka and the same of kahlhua (sp?). She was even busted a few years back for changing one of my scrips for lortab from 18 to 118 and was on the news and arrested in the store...such a proud moment...but even that didn't seem to stop it.

When does it change and what will make the change stick?? Is there any hope of having a mom or am I going to continue being an "orphan?"

Sorry, a lot longer than planned, but opened a can of worms when I started this and looks like I'm still missing a couple of the suckers.