Discussions that mention valium

Anxiety board


Hi,

I have been socially phobic since I was a teenager and am now 25. I also have major health anxiety and think I'm dying all of the time. (Silly I know.) I've always been too scared to take anti-depressants. (Even too scared to take Valium.) So I was holding out for this CBT that my doctor had me registered for. I waited for ages for the initial assessment. Had it yesterday and now I feel like I've given up all hope for getting better as she said that they can't help me.

She said I can shop and cook for myself. I'm not suicidal and not a danger to others so I shouldn't be part of the mental health services. She did say she can see I'm suffering from it but even if she put me on the list it would be at least a year until I can be seen. She also said it's not the drugs I need but the talking therapy.

This thing is ruining my life and I feel like my last bridge has just been blown up. I can't stop crying all of the time and feel like there's no hope.

I'm so sick of being so self-conscious and paranoid all of the time. I sweat, shake and go red having a conversation with someone I don't know very well, and even people I do know. I'm so self-conscious all of the time I don't have a real thought in my head because there isn't room for one. I have had panic attacks and depression in the past pretty badly, but that isn't really the issue at the moment. I'm just so sick of being me. Being so pathetic all of the time. Like oh no, I have a funny pain, it must be MS, a brain tumor, cancer... and going red and stuttery whenever more than one person looks in my direction.

I want to be confident and happy. I'm never really happy. When I'm with people (even my friends) I'm stressed and when I'm alone I'm lonely and sad, frustrated with myself. Sometimes I get so frustrated I have violent outbursts, only at myself, where I smack my hands repeatedly against a wall, I have done this with my head as well.

I keep thinking everything is poisoning me all of the time. (I think this started because I keep having dizzy spells for no particular reason - doctor says caused by stress - so I'm paranoid of drinking, eating, breathing impure things)

I used to drink. A LOT. Alcohol was my best friend and solved all of my problems. But now I can't get drunk because it makes me VERY ill. Where I go white and can't move for a whole day. So I have no escape from who I am anymore and I'm driving myself mad.

I just feel like my problems arean't real problems. People have a lot worse to deal with. Real illnesses, not just imagined ones. I should just get on with it before it's too late. I'm pathetic for even asking for help. This whole post is about some pathetic attempt to get someone to agree with me as if I have real problems. No-one understands or even cares. Even my best friend (who I hardly see cuz she's with her bloke all of the time) looks at me like I'm a sad, pathetic charity case at times. Obviously I'm not worth helping.

I know I should help myself but I feel like I've got no energy to, like I'm not worth it.

I do have friends who say they love me, but I don't trust them not to leave me at any moment. One of my best mates doesn't talk to me anymore over something stupid and I know it only takes the slightest thing to over-throw a relationship. So I'm even paranoid around my good friends.

I don't want to take the drugs. I want another way out. I can't afford to go private and I feel trapped. Even if I could afford it I'd feel guilty of being a faker because my problems obviously aren't bad enough for help. How can I ever be me again?

Sorry to anyone who's bothered to read this for this incredibly long post.
Hi,

The problem is that most anxiety drugs, like Valium are highly addictive and are not supposed to be prescribed for long periods of time. Anti-depressants are supposed to boost the levels of happy chemicals in your brain, so lowering anxiety for a more constant and longer time. Well that's the theory. In the long term I think that people need to work out what is causing their anxiety and talk through the problem. I'm sure anti-depressants work for some people though. I wouldn't want to put anybody off if they really need them. I am just scared to mess around with my brain chemistry any more than I have already. I do agree with you though, that if it works, stick with it. No-one wants anxiety problems if they can help it. Good luck. :wave: