Discussions that mention valium

Addiction & Recovery board


Ok:
Here I am again, 23 months after going through detox and rehab from Benzos and hydros. I was using them by docs increasing prescription because I have a severe case or Restless Legs Syndrome. They worked, so I thought what the heck. Accelerated the dose because of tolereance to the point of abuse. Lost my job because of abuse. I was clean for 17 months, blew a calf muscle playing racquetball and went to a doc in the box. PUT ON MY CHART THAT I WAS IN ADDICTION RECOVERY. He prescribed soma and hydro for the pain any way. Like an idiot, I filled them both.

Did OK for awhile, but went back to my sources for hydro. Been on them again for 6 months. At one time I was up to 10-12 a day. For the last couple of weeks it's been 5-6. I tried tapering. Didn't work. Decided to go cold turkey. I filled one last hydro prescription to do the taper "right." Listen to how smart I am: I bought valium 10s to help me sleep and with the restless legs as went through home detox. I haven't taken more than 2 per night for less than a week. But I've got a a very large supply of those.

Now I'm out of hydro as of last night. Used my last 3. So here I am ready to go cold turkey. Nobody knows this but me. I can't stand the shame of my wife knowing that I've relapsed. One lucky thing is that because of my job, we live apart during the week, so she only sees me on weekends or every other weekend. (Probably one of the reasons I decided it was OK to use again.) Even though I was down to about a 6 a night (didn't use during the day, only in the evenings), I've already started with the body aches, flu-like symptoms, restlessness, agitation, the whole nine yards.

I know I can do this. Even when I went through rehab under the doc's care the last time, it was pretty much cold turkey...no anti-depressants, no kind of medicine to help with the wd...two weeks of hell. The doc kept saying, "No one every died from lack of sleep or body aches." So I just toughed it out.

The kicker is that I am a well-known man, in a small town area and the AA/NA thing is a no go locally. I was put out of my profession for a year and just got back in. If it becomes known that I relapsed by my superiors, I'm done.

I'm ready to go cold turkey. I called in sick today and am ready to ask for two weeks vacation to get over the "flu."

I've read some of the helps listed above. Just want to know how effective they are and what else I can do?

I need some help, advice, and encouragement. Please. I feel so sad and so lonely, not to mention the shame. I promised myself and everyone I love that I would never be here again, and yet here I am. God, I need help and there is no one, no friend, no one I can think of that I can talk to about this mess

I'm on Cymbalta (anti-depressant), Trileptal for axiety (an epilepsy drug), and a small dose of mirapex for the restless legs that is decreasing in its effectiveness. I am not suicidal, but I am so depressed and so alienated, My job is a "help others" job and I smile and am pleasant to get through the day, but as I am coming off the hydro, at home it's tears and walking the floor for how stupid I am. How can I be so dumb having been through this so recently. I understand if no one replies. There's good advice above. The pain, along with the shame and isolation of living alone six days a week is awful when I'm sober. It's even worse battling this addiction.
lucky you, on xanax, and thanks for warning readers---vs. any benzo or neuroleptic (super-benzo) opiates cause no permanent harm, WD may be hell, but you don't lose your limbic system (chemical lobotomy some 'authorities' say)---and you don't have aYear's taper to WD---followed by continuing WD episodes 'till dead---Sweden allows 8 month's paid hospitalization for long-term benzo users---'Stevie Knicks of Fleetwood Mac' was amazed at months of hospitalization for klonopin vs. a week for opiate addicts---for them it may be over, for her or i---doubtfull---in fact, as a recent Canadian study showed, serendipitously, opiates may be the benzo detox method of choice---thank you for stern warnings on xanax (librium, valium, klonopin, ativan, etc.) These common drugs really do make opiate WD look like a cakewalk---you don't know, till you're there---so i expect no understanding of greater evils---
Well, coming up on the end of day two. Went shopping for the vitamins ands stuff. The aches and pains nagged all day, fatigue too. I worked a full day and I am exhausted, literally no energy. Luckily, no runs yet. Made it through the funeral OK. Ate some good good (you know how folks lay out food at a wake). Drinking lots of water. SHELLEY, THE HOT BATHS HELP FOR THE RESTLESS LEGS. THANKS FOR THE ADVICE. I'm working at HOME as much as possible.

I have to be careful with the benadry. I don't know if you guys know it or not, but antithistimines aggravate the symptoms of people who suffer from restess legs unrelated to hydro wd.. So does chocolate and any caffiene. I have to avoid those things even when I'm not using. They really, really aggravate the restless legs.

My emotions/depression are much better tonight. Spent part of the day talking to friends just about general stuff. No addiction/relapse talk at all. Distracted by quick closure tasks at work that needed to be done.

My wife wants me to come home this weekend - that'll be days 5-7. I'll see how I feel come Friday before I decide. I can make a legitimate excuse for staying on the job this weekend...behind in my work, which is the truth. Even if I go home and can't sleep, I can stay up late and say "I'm catching up," which is also true.

Shelley, be VERY careful with the benzo's. I detoxed from them once in April/June of '04 and wanted just to die. Hydro detox feels like the flu. Benzo detox felt like the deepest depression, guilt, anguished anxiety, non-sleep (days and days) - I just wanted to check out. Use them if you have to, I guess, but BE CAREFUL. I'm no doctor, but THEY ARE HELL IN A BOTTLE. Ambien, xanaz, antivan valium, librium, etc, are all benzos and easily addictive. Believe me, I know.

I wish you luck all and you have my prayers. Jam338, thanks for your advice, encouragement aand support. It helps keep me going. GOOD LUCK AND BLESSINGS TO ALL. WILL BE CHECKING IN. THE NIGHT IS YOUNG.