Discussions that mention valium

Addiction & Recovery board


This is my first post, and while I am now addicted to NORCO, and am hating myself for opening another trap to Hell...I will say that two years a go I kicked Ativan after being on it for four years...it started benignly enough....02mg.s for sleep...the first one was the best sleep i had had in years..soon i was multiplying the dosage and began a downhill agoraphobic cycle of running home after work getting into my jammies popping in a movie and melting up to 7...2.0 mgs of Ativan under my tongue and laying there in lala land for four years....I was getting them online, from a crooked pharmacist who would hand me 100 of them no script no problem for ten bucks insurance prices...I never took them during the day as i like to get a lot done I just became trapped thinking i needed them at night...i could never travel anywhere with out them and once flew from NYC to LA asleep the whole time with my mouth wide open drooling...thinking that as we landed What a great flight! I lost my personality. I lost my sex drive I lost my Hair! my short term memory and as i am told now i looked spaced out most of the time and dreamy...I doctor shopped...had doctors actually deny me the little ativan's and told me how they mimic parkinsons and Multiple sclerosis (One Doctor told me he saw patients screaming and begging in hospitals for those teey weeny ativans...I thought they were being mean to me...
I was cut off cold turkey by my pharmacist and doctors...i had no choice but to kick(in my heart i knew i had to)...In my life and i have taken everydrug...i have never ever ever gone thru what i went thru kicking!
I S*** myself at work, i lost 15 pounds in in 2 weeks i wept uncontrolaby i lost motor skills i hallucinated(kept seeing Dark shadows around me) at work i thought my head would become detached from my neck i could not get comfortable no matter what i did, Hot and Cold I was crazy, I cried so much that I became Hysterical and couldn't breathe.No OTC helped! nada and I tried em all! i should never have kicked on my own! Finally on the 8th day i fell asleep and it was as though i had never slept in my life a true 8 hours of sleep! Just before i fell asleep I remember feeling as though my skin were hanging off my bones, when i woke up inthe morning magically the skin tone had returned and in the mirror i saw a shell of myself! Believe it or not I am so glad i went thru that ! I never touched another Ativan even though weeks later i went back to that pharmacy for my hormones and found another bottle of the stuff ( my heart was pounding when i saw that script of 60 put in there by a well menaing Pharmacy friend...I still have that same bottle in my bedroom drawer, I call it my end of the world drug , meaning if we are In a nuclear attack I will down the Ativan LOLOLOL...It took a month before the restless legs and sudden hand twitching went a way...I just wanted to share my story of Benzo's and while i would never want my worst enemy to go thru what i did in a way i am glad i CT'd that drug...it showed me the horror...Every now and then i will take a valium to get a good night sleep but when i wake up i am so scared that I put a lot of time between my next one and will never ever exceed one! Even one can make me guilty for days...In my profession there is a lot of pill passing and exchanging...it's so easy for me to get anything i want...
I have tried every drug...kicked almost all of them and I will say i have never gone thru anthing like Benzo withdrawal...I say to those of you who are trying to get off get some help. don't be afraid, you will get thru this...I say a prayer for all of you....It is The medical professions most insidious and worst invention!! god Bless you all!
Passion thank you for sharing your story. I hope that others will heed the warning. Benzos are VERY dangerous. Benzodiazepines alter brain chemistry and functioning in a major way. They are HIGHLY and RAPIDLY addictive drugs and among the most difficult drugs to stop. Stopping abruptly can be very dangerous and cause a grand mall seizure; seizures like an epileptic experiences. Drinking alcohol while taking benzodiazepine is extremely dangerous and life threatening. To learn more about benzodiazepines just type the word into Google or any search engine....look for reliable formal education or government websites; they will have .edu or .gov as part of their webaddress. When I home detoxed from Xanax I was helped through the process with the tapering guidelines established by Professor Heather Ashton in the United Kingdom who has researched and published much of her work online for the public and for medical professionals. She has developed guideline recommendations for tapering from all benzodiazepines and published them in the Ashton Manual, available free online. The bottom line is that the greatest hope for success with Benzo detox is transitioning from a short half life Benzo to a longer half life Benzo and then doing a taper. It is almost impossible to do a taper with a short half life Benzo because the WDs are like hitting a concrete wall at 100 miles an hour. Tapering from a longer half life bridges and then the taper gradually lessens the impact. I achieved my Benzo detox by switching from Xanax (short half life) to Valium (long half life). My doctor seemed to virually know nothing about the process or the objective. He refused to knowingly help me get off of anything. How I managed it was deceptively using his interest to keep me on something with me agreeing to stay on something IF he would switch me from Xanax to Valium. He was befuddled, like what's the difference. I didn't even bother trying to explain it because if he figured out that the switch was an actual taper support he probably would not have agreed to do it. As it was he thought it was a way to just keep me on something. I am convinced that this doctor is just a legallized pill pusher. He knowingly kept me on this stuff too long, put me at risk, caused the dependency, and then wouldn't help when he was told there was a problem. I am not blaming him for it all....he didn't follow me home and take the cap off the bottle for me....I did that on my own. I was in serious trouble before I ever knew there were any risks and by then it was too late. Thank God for online message board support forums and that I found the work of Professor Ashton online because I had to plan and manage my own detox without medical support. I could have told my family and switched doctors where I would have likely been referred for inpatient treatment....something that for me was not an option because of my profession and my pride. I was very ashamed of what I had allowed to happen to me. I am an educated, intelligent,professional person....I felt that I should have known better. I could live with my private shame, but there was no way I was going to live with family and public exposure. For me, a discreet home detox was the ONLY alternative. Unlike the post above, OTC coping products did help me. However, what I learned was most things only work if taken in mega doses in order to be able to combat the intensity of WDs. If taken as recommended I agree that they do little. I used the OTC coping options as outlined in another thread on this Board, Vicodin Home Detox Plan, the OTC coping options are outlined on page 1 of that thread. One VERY important additional OTC supplement in a Benzo detox is the addition of Taurine which helps to protect from grand mall seizures. For me that was the scariest part of Benzo detox...I was terrified because part of the detox symptom is a feeling of a band tightening around your head....the tighter it got the more terrified I got and worried about how close I might be to an actual seizure happening. Fortunately during that period I read every online post I could find on Benzo detox where I somehow found the strength and courage to hang on and endure it. Good luck to all who are struggling with this horrible family of Benzo drugs. My heart and prayers go out to you.
Jam, again thanx for the quik response...I have to get out of here to go to work, I started my vitamin regime today ...back on the powdered vitamin "ALL ONE" redily absorbed and life supporting. Started takin the Calcium and Magnesium and fish oil Omega's and will go and get the Zinc/magnesium (Hell that is one of the best cold fighters out there and I swear by this.... if you shmear it on your face at night (the 4 dollar tube) with some liquid vitamin e to spread it your skin looks amazing..I am going to try to get strong before I kick all hydro's...have decided to quit CT!!! I have been going from site to site this morning up at 3am crying because it was one of my I am soooo guilty from "ONE" valium nights! I should know better I must tell you I am menopausal and sleep has been the issue for a few years...i have gone the Sub route and always fail...it's like one high to another...and then the well meaning Doc is exasperated with me and cuts me off so back I go on Hydro's...
Nope CT is the only way...otherwise i won't feel what the Heck i have done to myself in the first place...I think I need to physically suffer( everything I ever quit I did this way and never looked back) what's a week out of my life as opposed to the sub taper and then the horrible suboxone that sends you back to Hydro's)!!...I will surround myself with all that you say Plus some of the things that I think may help...
Like The SAMe..it is a Liver support, it is a joint healer and a mood stabilizer all natural and made in the brain better than Saint Johns Wort...for me anyway, Plus tons of EMERGEN C those powdered packets...I will come home tonight and start to post on your "getting off of Hydro site" so it stays up I love that and I wanna read it over and over again...
Jam ON Jam...
Sorry to barge in.........I've been taking 25 mg to 30 mg Valium for 13 years. When I got pregnant 4 years ago, I stopped and had no w/d affects. Was this a fluke? I knew I was pg very early in my pg, had been trying. Before finding out, I may have taken only 10 mg a day.

I'm now back taking them again (as I can get them easily from my doc). I would like to be free of all pills (I also take 40 mg of vicodin daily for endo).

With Valium, 30 mg a day, should I taper off - I never knew it was that dangerous to just quit. Also, is Valium then the "light" benzo on the scale, it seems to be per the first post in this thread.

Any feedback is greatly appreciated. I've been lurking for a long time here and have only posted a couple of times as I am working on a vicodin taper from 40 mg daily - I'm on 35 mg this week.
Thank you.
Elizabeth
Hi Elizabeth, you are not barging in!!! Well it sounds like you are one lucky lady that you didn't experience WDs with the Valium, and yes, it does sound like a possible fluke. Everyone's body chemistry is unique so who know what you may have that protected you with it; but thank your lucky stars for it because benzo detox is horrible and can be life threatening, rare, but real. Because of the seizure risks a slow taper is best. When I detoxed from Xanax I did the Valium bridge taper and added Taurine which supposedly helps protects against seizures. I also used other OTC WD Coping Options as outlined in the Sample Home Detox Post which can be found at the top of the Board main page as a sticky post. Sounds like you have a good rapport with your doctor so you might consider discussing your concerns with your doctor and asking him/her to help you taper. For me, I had no luck with my doctor. He didn't have a clue, and was not interested in doing anything to help me, but to continue to prescribe drugs that I desparately wanted off of. Hopefully, your situation is different. While medical consultations are encouraged, have awareness about how you state things with your doctor regardomg documentation of things permanently into your medical record that could in some instances in the future become questioned as you pursue life insurance, health insurance, or health employment certifications.

I don't think that any benzo can be described as "light". They are all very rapidly addictive and one of the most difficult drugs to detox from. Valium likely has a more successful taper potential because it has longer half-half life, meaning it leaves your system much slower and over a longer period of time which narrows the peaks and valleys of WD. For those on a short acting benzo like Xanax, converting to a bridge taper long acting benzo like Valium stabilizes the taper and helps with WDs.

Good luck in your decision:)
Thank you for taking the time to reply Jam.

I'm a bit overwhelmed with all the information I am reading on these bb's. I never considered myself addicted until I started counting pills. I realized then something was wrong. I was prescribed the Valium to get through a death in the family and my doctor just keep prescribing them. I don't even go to his office, he mails me the script and I send him a check (he's been my doctor since I was 13). He thinks I need them - I used to work at a very stressful, high profile job and the stress was more than I could handle at times. But I quit the Valium when I had my son. Then I went through a series of family deaths, and so on, and my doctor said the Valium would help me cope.

I don't even think I feel anything when I take one. I do feel them if I take 20mg at one time, but that is very rare. (sorry to be editing but I'm paranoid that someone will read this and know who I am, weird.). I just want to be normal.

I would never have thought of documentation on my medical records...............thank you for pointing that out to me. I held the same position for 20 years, before staying home with my son. One day I was counting my vicodin and valium and I said "that's it". Think about your son. I definitely have short term memory issues.

I will now count my lucky stars that my son is here and well with no health issues as a result of my Valium usage. The unfortunate side affect I am experiencing currently is a feeling of "nothing". I feel "nothing" lately, apart from the love I have for my son. The valium and vicodin have been great in taking away the mental and physical pain but have replaced these with a complete emptiness.

It is very encouraging to read stories such as yours and these boards are truly amazing resource. I wish I could find more time to read and research.

Since I've been on the Valium for 13 years (apart from my pregnancy), I don't know what life would be without them anymore. The vicodin addiction came on abruptly. I was prescribed 30 pills for endo pain in 2000 and then again after I gave birth in 2001. Bang, I haven't had one day since without taking either a valium of a vicodin. It took me almost 3 years to realize I have a problem.

Thank you also for explaining this in such great detail, for example, I have absoutely no knowledge of long and short half-lifes. I feel embarrassed to be so uneducated about the dangers associated with benzos and painkillers. No one knows about my addictions. My husband knows I take a vicodin and/or valium occasionally, but never questions it, though I get prescriptions monthly. Also, I took some Tussionex when my husband was sick with bronchitis and I have a script for two refills from a recent bout of bronchitis, but I haven't refilled it because I can tell it is very, very addicting, I just loved it and did the 18 days of medicine in 7.

I wonder if this will now affect any future employment I seek as I had basically one job in my adult life?

Apologies for the book but it feels good to talk to someone.
Thank you again.
Elizabeth.
Elizabeth, you are welcome, glad it helps. I also meant to comment on the part of your post where you stated that you no longer feel things the way you used.....that is likely the result of the drugs. Long term useage of either drug, Valium or Vicodin, for many results in a "blunting" of feelings....since you are taking both perhaps that feeling may be compounded. Those feelings will likely return after you detox and stabilize. However, some folks who have been on benzos long term feel that they struggle for quite some time getting things back again they way they remembered feeling. Hopefully, you will have good results with whatever you decide is best for you.