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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) board


I have OCD. I have had it since I was 12. I'm now 24. My obsessions are to have things in a neat and organized order. I'm a compulsive note/list maker. I feel as if writing things down on paper relieves stress. I fear that I may forget what I am thinking if I don't write it down. I feel as if everything I think of is of importance. If I don't write things down I constantly am thinking about the list in my head and checking them off. It sometimes feels like a broken record. I could repeat the list over and over again in my head. If I don't say my lists it in my head in a certain way, than I must repeat it again. I feel writing my notes/lists down on paper help reduce the stress and anxiety. Right now I am coming off Cymbalta 30mg and just recently started back-up with Wellbutrin XL 150mg. I take Valium 5mg as needed for anxiety. When I'm not on my meds things are out of control. I am constantly writing notes/lists. My notes/list usually consists of what needs to be done, shopping lists, goals, etc. What is funny is if I'm writing my lists of what needs to be done for the day, it actually consumes my time rather than actually completing the task itself. This can be very scary. Sometimes writing my notes becomes dangerous. My OCD got real bad one year that I actually lost my job due to it. Well, I really took a leave of absence and just never went back to work. I also have depression. I was diagnosed with Major Depression when I was 15. When my OCD and Depression conflicts with each other it becomes very disabling. For instance, I sometimes feel that my compulsive list making will become an asset to my future, but when my depression is at its worst I don't care anymore and things start to fall apart. The things that usually make me stressed still do, but it really depresses me as well. In stead of constantly writing lists or even straightening the house, I end up procrastinating. This is due to my depression and it makes me feel even worse about myself. I don't know if this makes any sense, but I often feel useless. I have gotten into the habit of telling myself when I forget something that if it was important I would have not of forgotten it in the first place. I also say that if it is important it will come back to me…it always does. ;)

I wanted to share with you my latest problem with my OCD. I have this obsession and desire to have certain things. Especially now since mine and my husband’s business is starting to take off. I am constantly writing shopping lists and wish lists. I write up a shopping list before I go shopping. When I am at the store I often look for a certain item that is on my wish list. There are times when I actually come home with that item. I also compulsively at the last minute go somewhere like to a store and end up getting something. I know this is very dangerous and is can and probably is putting us in debt. I try to not listen to those thoughts or I tell myself that what I want right now isn’t necessary and that it can wait. This doesn’t always help. I know I probably should get help before it does too much damage. I was just wondering if there are any OCDer’s out there who could relate to me. If so, I would love to hear from you. I would like to know what works for you. Thanks!!! ;)