Discussions that mention valium

Addiction & Recovery board

FullCircle, dear friend, is it hard for you to deal with the fact that you have addiction issues?
Not really, i guess that the reason I keep going back is because I get bored at night. I used them as a crutch, I LOVE the way they make me feel (at first). For some crazy reason I tell myself that I will be able to handle it or wont do as much this time.
[QUOTE=reachout;3273296]Is there conflict between your mind and your heart that this is a part of you?
Not sure about this one, My heart is dear to my family (3 kids, and wife) I have never cheated, stole, etc. I would never do that. I need to make them and the future with them more of a FOCUS. A real FOCUS. It was easy to slip back right now because the kids are young, but one of the reasons I bagged it so quick this time, instead of waiting the whole winter, was because I want to be more a part of the kids day, sports, homework, reading, dad stuff.
[QUOTE=reachout;3273296] Are there hurts in you that are so painful, perhaps, that the only way you have tried to deal with them is with your mind, that you stuff down the pain of them because it seems less painful to just try to forge forward like nothing is wrong?
I have never dealt with the mental pain. I got cancer and got rid of it. That was it. My first real connection was the FEAR OF THE CANCER RETURNING. I hated those follow-up visits. I would get super anxiety and thats when I was introduced to valium. Till that point I didnt even take advil. It made my mind free, float away and go to sleep (which is one thing that has not been good in the FULL CIRCLE (97 -07). I used to fall asleep soooooo fast before cancer. NO WORRIES. after being diagnosed and treated, i needed help to sleep. That is how I got introduced to Vicodin. I was given it for tooth pain. I kept the script after the pain went away and used it to sleep. For the next few years I would use it every now and then (special occasions) for sleep and fun. But I was careful not to abuse it. How blind I was becoming.
[QUOTE=reachout;3273296] Is the fear so great about something(s) that it seems too overwhelming to face head on?
Again --The fear is deep, I think it is more of a HABIT at this point. I do not think about "C" at all. I am not scared of it or anything. Its gone and thats that. I was left with an addiction though, that is waht I have to deal with. Dont you think that if I could just get a bunch of months under my belt it would get easier? I hope. I want to make it 1 year!

Love to you Reach --lets keep it going --not bad WD's right now --down to 3 a day. Went for a HUGE HIKE today. almost tooo much. You know me though. I attack the taper and the wd's. I cant believe I am here again. Its almost Surreal!