Discussions that mention valium

Addiction & Recovery board

Hi, posted about a month ago and I am finding this to be the most difficult of times. I posted a thread called "help need my wife to know what to expect". Anyways I have some pretty bad back issues and have been on meds for ten years or so. Got way out of control with them. Now I can admit that. Was on 90 avinza and 6 10/325 percs. My docs boss the med director of the clinic decided that narcotics were too risky, and not affective anymore. I had been going to this doc for 4-5 mos. and I was taking the meds as rx. Also I was on other stuff soma, gabapentin, valium. They took me off everything except for the avinza which they brought me up to 180 to start the taper. I agreed to see how far I could go b/c I new the state I was in. On wed. I reached the last leg of my taper down to 30. Yes I am very proud never thought that I could do it. Well all the way down 30 at a time I really didn't have much of w/d's, until last night. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been up all night with all the symptoms. Yeah it s***s. Well here is the problem, and I have been thinking about this for weeks now so this isn't me just not being able to deal. My back hurts like heck and has been getting worse as I go down but I just keep pushing through. I have been saying for weeks that I don't know how much more I can take but I just keep taking it. I am having a real hard time finding a doc which I just started looking for last mon. Now I know the risk involved but I have to do something but at this point I don't have a doc. I would just like to say how evil those little thing are. I don't think I could count how many times they have tried to trick me but I just wouldn't let them win. The lying to myself b/c the pills want my body back. I just don't know what to do.