Discussions that mention valium

Addiction & Recovery board


I haven't been on here for several months. For those who don't know my I was tapering off high levels of Ocycodone for CP after my tolerance levels kept increasing. I got not only physically dependant but psyhcologically too. I had to finally quit my job and focus on it because it was just too hard to maintain a full time job and focus on tapering which is also a full time job!

At any rate I finally, after 8 months of tapering, am completely drug free!! I didn't think I could do it. There were several factors that led me to where I was. The pain was the first reason I needed the meds, then it turned into a physical then psychological addiction. Towards the end of the tapering, it was the worst. It wasnt the physical symptoms that were the worst for me, it was the psychological. Even though I didn't even feel the effects anymore I still felt like I needed them and craved them horribly. Towards the end I decided to try and speed it up to get it over with and I Just shut down! I couldn't get out of bed, I was so depressed. I would try to focus on anything that made me happy. I would think of my favorit place or favorite thing to do and even those things seemed bleek and pointless. I couldn't clean the house, do the dishes, get dressed...I was so unhappy. I went back on and resume the slow taper because I tried to tough it out but after 3 weeks althouht the physcal symptoms had leveled off, the depression was showing no signs of getting better. Once I resumed tapering again I was able to at least go back to a normal lifestyle again. Not to mention at this time my body was trying to build up its natural resistence to pain so for a time I was in SOOO much pain, even a hangnail seemed unbearable. I had a few backslides here and there and towards the end when I went from the 30mg IR pills to 15 than 15 to 5's I was really starting to see the end in site. The last 2 weeks was so hard, and the day that I stopped all together, I went throug another WD process which apparently was inevatble. It seemed just as bad as when I tried going cold turkey although it didnt' last as long and and the depression wan't as bad. I played a lot of video games, knitted a whole lot of scarves, made jewlery, did whatever i could to keep my mind off of it and when I wasn't doing that I was taking valium to sleep it off. Before I knew it I had one 1 week without it! Then 2 then 3, now it has been week4 and I still cant' believe it . It is so weird that I don't have to think about filling scripts anymore. That I can make a trip and not worry about meds. That I go through a day and not be taking pills every 8 hours! My sex drive came back, I lost 11 pounds already, and I feel like a cloud has been lifted off of me. I didn't realize how many things it supressed until I was off. My energy levels are increasing every day, and my memory is so much better! I am still struggling with CP, getting injections, massage, homeopathy etc. I am hoping at some point, I will find the right combo and I will also get my natural pain tolerance back up soon. My doctor suggested going back on the meds in low doses, doing vacation holidays so that I never inrease dosages and never get dependant. I would just stay on the same amount like 3 weeks on 1 week off or alternate between 2 diffrent meds and do the same thing. I will have to really think about that as an option only after I have tried everything else because this feels real good right now.

So the reason for my post is that I know some of you can't even imagine what your life would be like without the drugs. I know I wondered how I was going to live without them and really didn't think my life would ever be normal ever again. And during the WDs that feeling only increases as the depression is your bodies way of making you feel so bad that you will feed it drugs. That is what I think anyway. But if you can tough it through, keep reminding yourself that you WILL get past that and you WILL feel better, you can do it too! I would just remind myself just get through this day and deal with tomorrow when it comes. Just remind yourself that each day you get through, you are one day closer to being done. I just wanted you to know that it is possible feel normal without the meds you just have to get off them and stay off them long enough and it will come. It took someone who was worse than me to tell me he was able to do it to make me thing I could. SO hopefully someone out there reads this and my story will do the same. The guy I was referring to was taking 1000 mgs of oxis plus some other stuff and it took him 3 years. I was up at almost 600 mg of oxicodone a day (200 every 8 hours) and people told me it would be impossible to come off in less than a year or even at all and I was able to do it in 8 months altough if I had stayed working it would have taken me longer than that. I had the right support system and this board really helps too. If you have people willing to help you and be patient and give yourself a break when you make mistakes, than you can do it! If you can take some time off and just really focus on it, it is worth it. Please hang in there it is so worth it. Don't let it beat you it, you ARE strong enough to over come it! If I can do it, ANYONE can. Trust me.

I am feeling good and my mood is good. I am seeing a counselor and doing PT. I still have to think about what I am going to do about my upcoming surgery and CP issues but I will just have to take that one day at a time.....:)