Discussions that mention valium

Family & Friends of Addicts and Alcoholics board

Hi Wis,

I think your husband is on a "self destructive" course and there probably isn't anything you can do to stop it. He has to. You, therfore, sould probably concentrate more on getting help for you and the children and plan for the day when your husband is either committed for treatment or something else drastic happens. He may be at risk for losing his job if he is found out.

Adding Xanax to the mix of pain meds and alcohol is a death sentence in opinion. Xanax is a benzodiazapine. If he is mixing it with alcohol and pain meds it could be deadly. If he starts taking it continuously that will become yet another addiction he has to deal with. He seems to be going from one drug to another. I was given Ativan, also a benzo for an inner problem several years ago. It gave me back my life when I took it. Totally eliminated the residual dizziness and gave me energy and confidence to do just about anything. Fast forward 18 mos and I began to feel weird. I couldn't remember conversations I had had the day before, I was dizzy again, my vision was blurred and I felt like I was ready to explode inside. My anxiety level got so bad there were nights I never closed my eyes and I started to feel nauseous between my scheduled doses. If I took an additional amount of Ativan I felt better within 20 minutes. It was at that point I knew I was dependant on them and had built up a tolerance for the dose I was on. There is a difference between physical dependance and addiction. I decided to follow a tapering schedule I learned about here on healthboards and it took me 18 mos to taper off 1mg per day. That is equal to 10 mgs of valium. It was a slow taper but I had the support of my family Dr. who kept my prescription going until I was off of it. The point I am making is that these benzo drugs are NOT to be misused. Shame on his Mom for giving them to him if she knows of his drinking and pain med issues.

I really think at this point, Wis, the focus has to be on you, your happiness and the children. It's not for me to tell you to "forget" about your hubby because he is your husband and you obviously care for him, you are just turned off my him and I get THAT BIG TIME.....in my mind I feel sorry for my husband. He has a disease, it has a name and there is a cure for it but he has to want that for himself as well. Apparently he doesn't. Alcoholism hasn't affected his health so far and it doesn't affect his daily life with his tennis and golfing buddies. It also never affected his work. Guess he is what is called a "functional alcoholic". Sometimes, when I am in a "generous" mood I cut him some slack. He is almost deaf without 2 hearing aides which on a social level is very isolating. He can't go to the movies, can't understand a movie on TV without reading subtitles, restaurants are hell for him due to the background noise. He does poorly in a crowd of people because he misses most of the conversation and feels stuped when he answers people inappropriately. He had to give up his love of flying because he couldn't understand the fast garbbled speach of the air traffic controllers and he claims to have retired early becasue his hearing problems. The "poor me" list goes on and on and, yes, I feel guilty when I get on my soapbox but tons of people live everyday with disabilities and do so with dignity and grace. I don't feel guilty however when he gets arrogant and abusive. That is something that is within his conrol when he is sober, not when he is drunk.
I left him a few years ago and came down to Fla 3 mos ahead of my usual schedule. when I announced I was leaving the next day he said "If this is about my drinking, forget it. I hurt at the end of the day and I need it to relax." End of story...... I left and it didn't appear to bother him at all. Friends tell me otherwise.....

I guess what I am trying to say, Wis, is just make sure you take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and financially so you are prepared for the day when everything hits the fan. Don't blame yourself for any of this. Something else I will tell you. My brother's problem with alcohol was so severe he lost his wife, his job, drivers license, everything he had over boose. He went through a few treatment programs without success. One thing his wife never did was poison his daughter against him My niece understood his problem and respected him to the best of her ability. Help your children love and respect the man your husbnad has been and the father he is to them when he is sober. They deserve this.

For me right how, I am doing A-OK. Hubby is fast alseep with his dinner half eaten :( In a brighter note: I faced a particularly anxious procedure for me today. I finally put the "big girl panties" on and had the dreaded colonoscopy done. 10 years overdue! I was terrified more of the prep than anything else. All was fine, hubby was with me and of course at 7:00am, he was bright, chipper and sober. He offered to drink the prep along with me but lucky for him, I didn't have anough to share...:D So, as angry and scared as I can get with him, he does have a few redeaming qualities! This probably makes me sound like a hippocrit but I need someone around when I have to do these this and he is there. If I get snitty and leave, my wonderful sister will have to be on call for my old lady issues and she doen't have time to change my diapers.....even though I changed hers for years !!!!! :angel:
:jester: :D ;)