Discussions that mention valium

Addiction & Recovery board


Hi,

i have posted some on my addiction to pain pills and dependence on valium, but my drug of choice is alcohol. At one time i had 3 1/2 years and 10 years of sobriety, but since the pills 4 years ago, i just keep relapsing. I have just over 30 days back in the program, but I feel so down on myself for relapsing and i know others judge me. I can see it their eyes. I have known some people who started the program when i did and they have 19 years of continuos sobriety. I have a great sponsor. i have worked all the steps and incorporate them into my daily life. have done countless 5th steps. I still have some amends from step 9but ones that aren't possible to make right now. I haven't had to make a step 10 amends in a long time and rarely have to work through a resentment. Some of my old friends won't even talk to me anymore. It just sucks, but i don't have anywhere else to go. It is so hard to share my story. Maybe i should just shut up and listen until i have a year under my belt. I get excited about attending my home group or other groups only to feel worse afterwards. I don't feel like i can help anyone there by sharing. And talking about drugs at an aa meeting is not tolerated in my area anyway. I have inventoried this and ofcourse it boils down to pride. Damn it. I should be grateful that i am sober today and tapering off the pills.

At one point i couldn't stop drinking and i couldn't get into a rehab because i was still on the pills. they were just going to take the pain meds away and I had to be off the valium before i could be admitted.

By the way the obsession to drink has been lifted. And I AM grateful. I just don't know what to do in regards to the meetings.

Has anyone else experienced this? Should I go to NA instead? Thanks for your posting, I really need some input.

Rose