I hear the sadness and the shame in your words for having become addicted. I, too, was addicted to Hydros (5/500) for approx. 4 years. I began taking them for headaches and found that the energy and overall good feeling about life was a real plus. I took them as prescribed just for headaches for years. Then I started going to a dr. that prescribed large amts. at one time with refills. That's where it began to get out of hand. My progression in the amt. of pills per day was very slow. But after the first couple years it became worse as the body needs more and more. In the final year, I took approx. the same number per day as you (don't know the strength you have been on). I finally told my dr. I needed help, and he prescribed methodone. That really caused problems cause he didn't explain how I was supposed to take the methodone. He just said take 40mgs. per day throughout the day. Long story short, I ended up having to c/t detox off of 10mgs. methodone. Needless to say, that was horrible. Stay with me now.... All of that detoxing at home began on August 25, 2004. Today, August 25, 2008 I celebrate four years of freedom from those pills.
Believe me, if wimpy me could get off of them cause I loved them (except for the stomach problems they gave me), then YOU can definitely do this. My husband, kids, and other family members didn't know of my addiction until about the last year. It killed me to tell them, but I had no choice. I needed their help. I have suffered from the shame, guilt and all that goes along with this thing called addiction. But, I have studied it and learned so much about it. I have learned that it is rampant and ANYONE with a brain can become addicted to these pills and VERY quickly, especially those that already suffer from depression like I do. The pills make everything seem so much better, but in the end they turn into your worst nightmare. In my case, I had no way to get the meds except through my doc cause I wasn't going to break the law and couldn't go to a dr. and make up pain just for pills. My problem began when I was prescribed so many and could get refills with just a phone call. But, once I told my dr. my problem, that was the end of the scripts. Also, try not to be so ashamed because it happened. You are trying to get passed it and move on, and you WILL succeed because you want to. I was SCARED to death to tell my family cause no one had ever had anything even remotely close to this happen to them. Just me. But, they loved and helped me through it more than anyone can imagine. It is not something I am proud of, but I am not afraid to talk to people about it. I want to help make people aware of the high potential for addiction to these meds so they won't go through what I went through. Consider talking to your family, at least one family member that you trust.
Like I wrote earlier, today is four years free of Hydro for me. I will remember you in my prayers. You CAN succeed !!
BTW, I think you also posted a question about taking Valium or something of that nature to help the anxiety and nervousness. Most people would probably advise you to steer clear of that type med cause of it's addiction potential. In my case, however, I had been taking Xanax on and off for years because of a SEVERE anxiety disorder (whole 'nother story). I did take the Xanax during the time of detox, but only a small amt. It was helpful. Prayers your way !! Hope this is of some help to you !! Hugs !!