Discussions that mention vicodin

Addiction & Recovery board


Hey all I hope this finds you well,

Great idea for a thread, seeing as this is exactly the topic I seem to research incessantly now! I'm embarking on day 6 (which seemed liked an eternity at the 4 hour mark and with the insomnia it was -- kinda like every day was two days when you never sleep) of leaving a 2+ year dependence to Morphine Extended Release (1 60MG a day) and Mophine Instant Release for break thru in the evening (1 15MG a night). Never broke, snorted, or chewed. Never took more, but I damn sure never took less! These were prescribed by my (now former) doctor to combat MCTD and Fibro.

It was right before the 4th of July weekend that I realized I couldn't possibly be in enough pain to justify such an existence. In the beginning I felt great (sound familiar) but about 8 months ago I became sullen, depressed, and withdrawn. I didn't want to do anything and I certainly didn't feel better anymore. Still I took the pills like clockwork, because, well that rising feeling of sickness began to creep up on me when I didn't. When that happened I knew this wasn't right. Prior to the morphine I was taking, get this, a single 7.5 vicodin per day. That's right kids, one pill a day. Then my doc decided my pain wasn't being effectively managed with vicodin and moved me to morphine at the dosage above. Yep I jumped from 1 7.5 to THAT!!! I had no idea morphine was basically the same thing so I didn't realize we just went off the charts with that increase. God do I regret not researching his decision before I agreed. The worst part was when I called him on Friday the 1st to tell him about my concerns and told him I wanted to quit. He freaked! He conferenced in my physical therapist (same clinic) and they advised I stay on it, but if I insisted of quitting morphine then they wanted me to try OXYCOTIN!!! Talk about not listening to the concerns of the patient. "Hey Large, I know you said you want to quit and I got just the thing HillBilly Heroin!" Yeah I quickly put the idea to rest and said NO NARCOTICS!. OXY, yeah that's all I needed.

So on Saturday morning I took my last pill and 12 hours later the withdrawal began. Saturday night was awful, but Sunday was so bad that I barely remember anything. Of course my definition of "awful" may be different than yours, I am a big baby so there's that. I kept waiting for my Trainspotting moment in a bathroom, but it never came. The worst was the chills, sweats, aches, writhing, and the restless EVERYTHING. I was twitching worse than Michael J Fox and Joe Cocker combined. Arms and legs everywhere. I kept thinking about how badly I wanted to beat this...and sleep! I had/have ZERO cravings though. Despite how bad it was it the first two days I kept coming around these boards to see how others were coping and it really inspired me to keep going as I read story after story of people who went to war with a far larger demon than I. My favorite thing was probably the daily updates for those just coming through cold turkey as they chronicled their progress it made me feel like I could keep going when my brain started to fracture from lack of sleep. To those brave bad [email protected]@es who've made this journey before me and chose to share it, THANK YOU! You literally saved my life.

Once I got to the end of day three I was hit with a sudden feeling of wellness. Alot of the symptoms subsided for half the night. That's when I thought the worst was over...of course I was wrong. I have seen others who fell for that brief rest and thought they'd cleared the hump then crash in day 4 or 5 so I was a little worried then next day when the problems began again and some new ones joined them.

Day four was really bad. I had awful back pain and all the advil in the world wouldn't touch it. Combined with the RSL I was going insane. I hadn't eaten since Friday at midnight so I was subsisting on water and a cup of broth until today, when I finally felt like I could eat without dying. I have never been more tentative approaching a bowl of soup in all my life, but everything turn out okay after I ate. At least I felt like I had some fuel to burn while pacing the floors desperate to get my body back under control and kill the twitching.

Day Five, uuuuuuuuugggggggggghh WHY is this still getting worse? I felt possessed today. My limbs were going everywhere. Seemed worst at night. I start to regret my decision to do this without any other drugs, like valium, but I kept my resolve and pushed ahead because last night, without warning I passed out for 6, SIX!!!! Hours!!!! which seemed like a miracle. I was ready to take on anything after that. Then I landed another 3 and a half hours of sleep and I was practically giddy.Now I was sure I was going to make it, well except for the part where I woke up and a hour later I felt like death. The RSL was the worst today. I could handle anything else, including insomnia if the RSL would just go away. I don't crave pills, I crave peace. Stillness sounded like the most amazing invention ever, yet I couldn't stop crawling out of my skin.

So here I am, entering day 6, I want desperately for this day to be the day I feel better. As I write this I'm still having terrible RSL, I must have stopped to do my little convulsions about 30 times. It sucks, but having read all these posts I do know that it DOES get a little better every day (it's just the night I hate right now). I have read some posts where people have had little withdrawal and at first I was jealous, but then I realized that as much as I hate this I also NEED this. THIS is how I never go back. I couldn't do tapering or sub/bupe, I need cold turkey. I just keep telling myself "30 days for the rest of your life".

Oh an the chronic pain? Well I have SOME, but it is certainly not narcotic worthy now. I'm actually in less pain then I was some days on morphine. I say this knowing there are some of you who simply cannot live a functional life without the relief provided by a narcotic, I am not judging YOUR pain, merely my own. I forgot what pain was I've been so numb emotionally and physically for so long. The first two days I cried so randomly I couldn't believe it, but it was a good thing. I feel like I'm slowly thawing out after being frozen in stasis for two years. I am getting reaquainted with the world and I kinda like it. Clearly I'm back to writing again (sorry about the length here).

Am I better? No. Not yet. But I know, I've heard you all, and I know I will be as long as I never look back. I will NOT be a relapse story, and this isn't because I'm strong, just the opposite, it is because I am weak that I will not relapse. I hate this pain and I simply never want to feel this way again. NOTHING could make me go through this again. When the going gets tough the tough get in their car, open the roof, crank up their favorite songs, and drive until the feelings pass. Speaking of songs, wow music after quitting suddenly becomes so alive again. I'd forgotten how a beautiful song could make my day. Check out Iron and Wine's "The Trapeze Swinger" when you can, it is amazing, at least check out the lyrics (http://www.songmeanings.net/lyric.php?lid=3530822107858527110).

So if you are reading this on day one, or two or day zero because you haven't made the leap yet, just know that everyone responds differently. No matter how bad you think it will be, it never is. I was terrified to do this, but is has been so much less than I imagined. I felt foolish for waiting so long truth be told. There isn't a magic bullet though and you have to decide you want this. Methadone may be right for some, but please do yourself a favor and research the drug before you take it. Same with Sub. Don't let fear pull you in to another problem. Maintenence isn't the same as living clean, and if you think, even a little, that you might be able to do this then dive in. The water isn't nearly as cold or deep as you think as you just might find you're a better swimmer than you thought once you get your head in.

Yeah okay, I see the pilot has just turned on the "NO RAMBLING" sign so I'm shuttin up now (and this was my condensed version!) more info about me (as if you needed it) is in my bio and so is my email. Thanks for listening and after lurking for a while, thanks for helping me get through the rough spots.
My Husb. is on day 4 of c/t withdrawals from Vicodin (15-20 pills/day) Everyone on these threads explain being very anxious and unable to sleep, but he has been sleeping for days, he only gets up to go to the bathroom, does it just effect some people different, or could he be dealing with a different addiction but not admitting it? Did anyone else have this kind of withdrawal?