I am not addicted to pain killers, alcohol or anything specific but a strong desire lately anyways to be out of my mind. I used to be anti-drug for anything but I started to have uncontrollable panic attacks. So I started taking a little xanax but I started to play around with vicodin...sometimes I felt nothing, sometimes I had a nice buzz...and sometimes I was pretty sick....but I havent taken more than 5-10 total. I have been having the feeling that I want to get high (I have a few bottles of different stuff here at the house) but I think about all the stories I read here and I havent taken any in 2 weeks..because it is so easy to get where some of you guys are and have been and so hard to get back. I have wanted at times to take vicodin, alcohol and xanax. Its like once you start on one you want to add more to the mix. I am definitely trying to control the xanax as not to get addicted...but I am very thankful for that (maybe take max 4 (0.5) pills a week. I sometimes took as a precaution...but today I found out as I was in a major panic and luckily found 0.25 mg in my purse. That worked...and it showed me I didnt need to take 1 mg or more at a time. Anyways...I just wanted to say that I enjoy reading here and it helps me.