believe me,I know where you are coming from here and I am in no way judging you but I just needed to ask.why do you not want to seek any help for yourself "I don't want to go to a doctor or treatment"?Let me tell ya,from my own experience,this just cannot go on forever.addiction IS an ongoing destructive process and it does eventually take its toll on you and those who love you.your baby may come first for now,but because of the disease that you suffer from,this will most likely change in the future.
my addiction started after the birth of my first child and it was mostly due to post partum depression.i just didn't know it at THAT time.i THOUGHT I was putting my child first but boy was I ever wrong.any actual time that you are spending looking for meds,in WDs or any appts to obtain meds is time away from your child that you are spending with your addiction.
Believe me,this is not in any way a judgement of you,but what happened to me,i just see some paralells here.
I totally agree with constant.either cut up what you have so you can still maintain "something' in your body til your next fill,and in the future either have some one dole out your meds or think about getting off this particular pain med and onto something much less addicting and destructive.I have to stay as far away from hydro as possible right now as it would suck me right back in again.I am also suffering from some very severe pain due to a spinal cord injury and have to be on something now and this was the biggest downer as I had been clean and sober since the late eighties.
You really do need to take a good look at what you are putting yourself thru and see if there may be a better way of doing things.I DO feel for you and hope you can manage this WD without suffering too much from it.if you can get anyone to help with the baby while you go thru this it really would be the best possible thing for the both of you.
just an FYI,no one would attempt to even try and take your baby away from you if you sought treatment or got help for yourself.the only people who have to know really are you,and the place you seek treatment from and your doc if you choose to.that is entirely up to you.
I think your very last sentence really said it all.possibly seeing a pain management doc for your sciatica issue would be your best bet,they can help you deal with the pain in a much less destructive way.If i didn't have my pain doc,i would have offed myself well over a year ago just due to the overwhelming pain.Pain in and of itself can be just as devistating as any addiction can be if it is not treated appropriately.
I do hope you get thru this all intact and feeling okay.considering the amount you have been taking,your WDs should not be in any way as bad as the ones you described that you had before.i would discuss the anxiety attacks with your doc,maybe he can place you on something else to keep those under better control?Preferably before you run out of the vicodin,this would also help you with any WD symptoms as well.I wish you luck in getting thru this.I really DO think though that you really need to ask yourself if repeating this cycle is really worth what you are having to keep going thru.You have much more to think about now besides just you and you alone now.
like I told you before,I am not sitting here judging you,mostly since I don't have the right to judge anyone but myself.I just see my past in your situation and I didn't like where that lead me and my family.trust me,you do not want to go there.I do hope you will at least think about what your priorities are now,they HAVE changed.Good luck dreamin,marcia