Hello to both of you! I feel like I have been invading your privacy by reading your posts, but they have given me reason to write a post for the first time on this site. You both sound extremely courageous as you try to help one another, and I wanted to thank both of you for allowing me to listen in.
My friends call me Reetz, and if you read the book on my life, I am sure you would both associate with alot of it. I have 4 grown children, three which are identical triplets. My addiction story began a very long time ago. I began as a cocaine addict/dealer back in the '80's, and after some years of almost losing everything, I was busted and sent to prison for some time. I wanted so badly to stay clean that I actually wrote to every congressman and senator I could to beg them to make sure I got in-patient treatment before I was released (as we all know, there is no such thing as treatment in the prison system). Well, it worked, and I went to a 6 month treatment facility. That was then....let me fast-forward to a closer date before I bore you both to death, ok?
6 years ago, I began by going to a physician for some back pain I was having. Withing the past 6 years, I went from a great mother and wife to someone my family couldn't recognize. Don't take me wrong, I could function just fine...as long as I had my pills. I was aware the entire time that I was addicted, but it was the toughest addiction I had ever known (and believe me, I know most!). I guess about two years ago is when I came to the conclusion that I was going to die if changes weren't made.
I left my husband (who was not healthy for me to be around) and moved out on my own. Well, I tried and tried, but it only got worse. By now, I was the smartest addict there is....one that knows how to abuse the system without anyone knowing. I was seeing two different doctors (don't worry, I had shopped around to find the best, and had already been to probably 25 doctors before I settled on these two). By then I had it made: The first doctor was seeing me every six months just to say "hi" and renew my script for vicodin for the next six months. He was giving me 150 pills per month.
The second doctor was even better. She would see me every month for a few minutes, and send me off with a script for 240 pills of vicodin(hydrocodone). So between the two doctors, I was getting 390 pills a month. Sounds like alot, huh? Well, not for me! I would run out of pills within two weeks (yes, you calculated it right, I was taking about 30 pills OR MORE a day!!!) Then for the rest of the month, I was buying pills. Not only vicodin, either. I thought I was the luckiest person in the world when I found someone who would sell me oxycontin 40 mg. tabs for $10 each! And where did all the money come from? An absolutely wonderful man who I had met and become engaged to. He was a recovering alcoholic and had been clean for 8 years, and he knew what was going on, although I didn't think he did.
Fast forward to six months ago... I had reached bottom in my mind. Although I had terrible chronic back pain, the meds weren't used for that. They were there to get me high. I opened up to this wonderful man, not knowing that he was simply waiting for me to come to him. We made a plan together, and although it wasn't easy, he has stood by me since.
Three months ago, we made an appointment with a pain specialist, and after seeing that over the years I had tried every alternative to pain along with the meds (most I did only so that the doctor would keep giving me pills), she talked to me about methadone for chronic pain. Now mind you, she didn't know about my addiction and all the other doctors and buying of meds. She was simply giving me the methadone to try to help me with the pain.
Now are you ready for the miracle? THE METHADONE WORKED!!! Not only did it take away most of the pain, I had NO withdrawal symptoms at all! (and I have gone through withdrawal many, many times before!) I now call it my "miracle" drug, and have recently even come clean to my family and children about what I had been doing for the past 5-6 years.
Hey, I am not saying this is the answer for anyone else, but when I heard the story from "helpmarie" and how she was so uncertain about trying methadone, I had to write my first posting to you two.
Only you can make the decision, but the way I looked at it for me, I had NO withdrawal symptoms, and I researched the hell out of it when she gave it to me. To me, it is one of the safest forms of pain relief AND addiction withdrawal help there is. Of course, this is only my opinion, but as someone who has been through almost every form of addiction in her life (therein lies another story), I love it!
Thank you both for allowing me to push my way in to your conversation. I know I feel better just writing about it.
Although I am not a real religious person (but I am very spiritual), I have this saying right next to my computer:
I asked my God to take away my addiction.
He told me no.
"It is not for me to take....
but for you to give up."