Discussions that mention xanax

I am VERY sorry that I haven't posted. Honestly, I went to a friends house and stayed for a couple of days... NONE of my friends know about me and Sub (well, one did but we no longer talk) but when I'm not by myself or just me and the kids, I cannot come to this site. So please forgive me.

I promise, your honesty is exactly what I need... and I hate to admit it but it makes me want to stay on it longer. The ONLY reason, and I do mean ONLY reason I want to get off is because of my weight. I should not have to take diet pills to be 20 lbs over weight rather than 30 plus! And your right about the bathroom issues, which also causes weight gain... It drives me NUTS!

I will say that I've talked to my doctor about my fears and he continues to tell me that it's 'a piece of cake'... knowing good and well he's either lying... or he hasn't had patients come off of it yet. But he specifically said that if I did have withdrawals, he would give me whatever I needed to get through them... and I believe him because he's the one that has prescribed the diet pills for me. Honestly, does it make sense to prescribe a stimulant to an addict along w/xanax? Now... I guess he knows I've 'seen the light' and will not abuse them but it just doesn't sound right. Therefore, I know that if I do need clonodine (which I will because the chills and the legs are the worst part of withdrawals for me - I can sleep all of the time, but those are the absolute worst), anyway, I believe he will give me whatever I need to get through it. But yes, I will say that for whatever reason, I continue to suffer through the food issue and the stomach problems and continue to postpone coming off of Sub.

Oh, and Over - no way I can go into rehab. Remember... I went through a severe custody battle and if I'm found out ---- that's it.... it will really all be over for me and I will lose my children. I couldn't live without my kids. They are the only reason I was able to pull myself up and get to a doctor for help. Anyway.... Fisherman... you write beautifully so please don't say that about yourself. And listen... and I mean this --- the more graphic, the better. I need the honest to goodness truth!

So - that being said... give it to me straight, Over. Knowing that I cannot go into rehab, what did you experience and for how long... Also, there is something I can do about the kids. I mean, if worse comes to worse (and I wish I would have done this in July) but they are gone for about 2 weeks in the summer... OR... I could do it around Christmas and make the second week of my WDs the week they are gone??? Be honest here... after two weeks... will I be able to function? Let's say I go to the gym and am in good physical condition, can I function after 10 days, two weeks? What is the real deal??? Can you honestly say that it's like hydro withdrawals for more than two straight weeks?

I really, really appreciate you guys more than you know. Fisherman... you sound good and I'm happy for you. I wish I could say that I'm where you are now.... I REALLY wish I could. I just don't know if I have the strength... but I'm also tired of not feeling good about my body.

K - going to bed and again, i'm sorry it took me so long to respond... Take care!

You are so sweet! Thank you for your support... and honestly, and I know it's hard for you to see... but even the thought that you actually 'forget'... even for a moment, is encouraging. I mean, you have to be so close to really reaching that crossroad where you will no longer look back but only ahead. There will actually be a time when you don't have cravings... Can you imagine? I mean, you and I both know you can't 'mess around w/anything'... but you are going to be so happy to be clean, sober and healthy. So, can I get something straight... Are you telling me you have gained weight in the last two weeks? Surely to goodness, I am misreading your post.... Did you gain weight on Sub? You can't be gaining and going through such severe withdrawals. Now I'm worried that you are swelling or something from dehydration... (see... these are the reasons I still take xanax... I will think of the worst possible situation and then think it's going to happen and worry myself to death sometimes). Anyway, pls tell me that you are drinking enough fluids and that you are just eating more??? I know when I'm tired, I eat more because I need that extra energy... plus the carb addict thing... But I'm losing the weight (AGAIN)! So tired of having to fight it. Also... in your honest opinion... do you think there will ever be a good time for me to do this? Today I've only had 8 mgs and I'm having no probs. I have something I'm going to post regarding something I saw that basically just freaked me out... and I think it will be good for everyone to read it, especially those of us who have children. So, be looking out for it. Not sure if I have the energy to type it tonight.... but it will be coming. Thanks again for all of your help. You DO know that I'm just right below you in Al, right? And I'll be honest w/you ---- Bama is my all time favorite team, but I have to cheer for the Vols for other reasons that I can't list here... but I'm sure you get my drift. They are my second fav but when they play each other... better watch out 'cause I forget about my love for 'ole Rocky Top! :-)

We'll talk soon... take care of yourself and be sure you are drinking plenty of fluids...