Discussions that mention xanax

Addiction & Recovery board

Wow, This is so hard, I have lurked here for years. Since I was just taking 5 vics a day, I was so strong, ( Or so I thought) Because I NEVER went over the 5. I had a little system, 1 1/2 when I woke up, 1 1/2 at noon, and 2 at 5. I can actually say I envy that person, Because I have just LOST IT!!!! All the sudden I started taking more and more, until it was 10 a day, then my dr said, " Hey, since Vics arent working for you, there is this great drug called Oxycontin" So, That started with 10's 3 times a day, then EVERY month went up and up, then I hit the 80mg, and as of 1 weeks ago, I was taking probably 10 of them a day.... FRICKING 10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cry as I look at this screen, I am 29, I have 3 wonderful little boys, and such a great hubbie, who knew nothing about ths until last week, he went online to our insurance website, and there was a little button, that said " Manage your prescriptions," And that is how he found out,, I cannot believe I did this to him, I would of hated seeing his face when he saw my laundry list of prescriptions. I don't think I will ever forgive myself for him finding out that way. So I had just had my meds filled, I had 200 80mgs, and I kept about 20 and dumped the rest down the toilet on my 29th birthday last week. I have been cutting down tremendesly since I didn't really have a choice, ( Hubbie said he would not be with me in this condition) I will take 2 today, then 1 tomorrow, then none, I do have about 50 norcos left, then I have a refill of 120.. Any sort of tapering schedule would be greatly appreciated. I have read all of your stories. Phil, You are a god..lol.. And Gina and Lisa, you guys are so much like me!!!! I really do want to get off of them, But, I am being totally honest here, If I knew my hubbie wouldn't see my scripts on the website, I don't know if I would stop. I am having mild w/d, mostly at night. I went out and bought some B6, and multi-vitamins, and also some Tylenol P.M. I did have a bunch of Xanax, which I hardly took, ( Hey, It wasn't my DOC Right!!) But, Hubbie must have thrown it out, cause I can't find it. I have a 10, 7, and 2 yr old, So I want to do this with the least discomfort.. LOL.. Like it's even possible. I can't sleep except a nap during the afternoon, which is better than nothing. I guess at this point I am just rambling, gettin up the nerve to post this.. I guess if I don't post it, and I fail, than noone know but me, But if I do, and I fail, then I let all of you down!!! So, Here Goes....

Thank You for listening to my loon story.. lol