Discussions that mention xanax

Depression board

First, Prozac, then:
My questions:
I have been diagnosed, and undiagnosed with Bipolar, recurring depression, major depression, anxiety, PTSD, panic dosorder, BPD.
I have been on most of the medes since 1995--some helped, but I always had to change and built tolerance for many as well.
So here I am, age 37, I can no longer find any meds that "help" me. I have been to rehab, psych wards, ten years of therapy--12 to be exact, church, meditation, moved to new area (where, I have to say, I was the healthiest and happiest I had ever been in a VERY long time), and am still plagued by:
anxiety, depression, anger, irritability, my meds I am on now are not and do not feel right, but am sick of talking to docs who really don't get it.
I need an EXPERT.
I was on Suboxone and Librium for almost a year and was doing FANTASTIC then moved back to my hometown (y'all now the stories and the results of doing that, for some...) back to the trauma, and back to the depression. I met people who liked me only because they were getting paid to. I loved the people I met, and i "thought" they loved me. I spent $150,000 of my nana's inheritance to me to get help--and I'm still not well.
Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually dead.

Where do I go from here? I'm getting so sad and frustrated about all of it. I haven't cut in YEARS, and for the first time today, I took my fingernail straight down, only to barely break skin--NOT like me---what happened?
Since coming "home" I have digressed to my worst yet. I spent 5 days in a psych ward last week and got switched from Librium to Ativan and put on Celexa----have been sick for a week now--- cannot do the med switches---so am going back on Librium and throwing the Celexa down the poop shute.

Has anyone gone through this? Tired of meds? Meds not working?
I am really feeling like I have to go the HOLISTIC route now ie;
Has anyone done so, and won this mean demonic battle?
Fish/Flax oils, SamE, 5HTP, Yoga, massages, exercise???
Please help