Discussions that mention xanax

Addiction & Recovery board

Hi, I just joined this message board because I wanted to respond to jerry43 and to vicky. I am currently taking sub and have been for about 1 year. I may need to be on it for the rest of my life because of my prior abuse. I was taking about 240 mg. of morphine, 30 norcos, 4 somas, klonopin (I can't remember the dosage), and xanax (about 4 mgs.). Sometimes I would also add a few vicodin, vicodin es, and ultram. I was taking this much for about 2 years without much variation in dosage or mix. Towards the end, I was also drinking about 750 ml. (a fifth) of vodka a day. My weight had fallen dramatically and people around me thought I was going to die. I tried going completely "clean" but I was severly depressed and emotionally flat. I couldn't feel anything in my life, good or bad. My psychiatrist was worried that I would relapse or worse commit suicide. He then prescribed sub and it was amazing. I started feeling normal again, not high. I currently take 14 mgs. of sub a day. My doctor is planning on weaning me but is being careful because he also thinks that my abuse may have permanently damaged my nerves, brain chemistry and opiate receptors. My profession doesn't allow me to be "high" and I am in a voluntary diversion program. The program is supportive of my sub use and actually recommended it. I consider myself to be clean and don't view sub any differently than taking an antidepressant. I have heard of people in my AA home group who have died because their sponsor believed that they weren't sober unless they were off of all medication. I believe that sub is no different from the SSRI antidepressants because in my brain it produces the same results. I would do whatever your doctor recommends but I think that each person is different and needs to follow a respectable doctor's recommendations about their medication. I say "respectable" because there are doctors out there who are just legitimate pushers. I think there isn't one solution for everyone and if jerry43 is being honest with himself and not just replacing one addiction for another, he is just as sober as someone who is completely "clean". Just my opinion. Good luck and best wishes on your treatment.