Discussions that mention xanax

Addiction & Recovery board


Hi everyone. I'm sorry I've been away all week. You've all been so great I'd like to explain what's been going on. First of all, Friend, thanks so much for asking about me. It's so nice to get back on and realize I've really been missed. And to the rest of you, I know you've been thinking of me too. You have no idea how much that means to me!

Today is day 5 without the vicodin. It's been a really tough week, a week from hell, but not so much from the detox. The detox wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Day 1 was hard just because I wanted it so bad and I knew it was there, I still had 10 pills left. I was at work and I tried to stay busy but I felt bad and ended up calling it an early day. I didn't go to to work on Tuesday and just stayed home and tried to rest which was not easy. I was very depressed and in a lot of pain in my back and in my stomach.

Do you remember me telling you that I have back problems and that I'm going to need to have my colon removed soon as well? Well, the pain that I had on Tuesday was from my back and from excruciating stomach cramps. Everytime I tried to eat anything my stomach would cramp so bad I couldn't really eat or drink. Combine that with the anxiety and the withdrawal symptoms and I've been miserably depressed. I have xanax which I took twice for the anxiety and I took soma which is a muscle relaxer once each day and that seemed to help with my back and also helped me sleep. I went to work on Wednesday and worked a 12 hour day because I had a dinner meeting with a bride and groom. But I felt horrible.

Yesterday I stayed home again because I haven't been able to eat and again, the stomach cramps have been killing me. I was just too depressed to even get on the boards. I was also afraid that getting on here might actually be a trigger. I still have those 10 vicodin left.

I met with the colon surgeon yesterday and she wants to send me for more tests before she does the surgery. It seems I need to go to Portland or Seatle for one of them and the other one they can do here; it's just a biopsy. She gave me a pill for the cramps and it's not any kind of pain pill or anything like that its an anticholinergic agent for bowel spasms.

Anyway, I'm really worried because I thought it was going to be no problem for them to do the surgery where they take out my entire colon and I'd have no colostomy bag, but now I found out that depending on these tests I'm going to have, I may have to have one after all. I'm only 34 years old!! What am I going to do with a colostomy bag? So now I'm worried as hell about that...

Anyway, back to the withdrawal, etc. I just started having diarrhea yesterday; do you think that's my body getting rid of the toxins from the vicodin? I'm sure that contributed to my abdominal cramps. I'm at home again today because of all this, luckily I was able to use my colon problems as my excuse for work and no one knows it's also because of the withdrawal symptoms. I have not yet told the surgeon about my addiction. I will do that when the time is right or as we get closer. Yesterday was our first meeting with her. I will definitely tell the anesthesiologist as well when it is time for surgery.

As for today, day 5, I feel good as far as withdrawals go. I'm not quite as depressed. I feel strong enough to resist the 10 vics I have left because I know what they will do to my stomach. They will just constipate me again and make all this 10x worse on me. The pain I've been through this week is enough to keep me away. I'm not even going to refill my script because I really can't while they do these tests or they won't get accurate results. The pain meds slow down your colon transit time, etc. and at this point it's just not worth it. I think I'm past the hardest part of the withdrawal and it can only get better from here. Mentally I'm starting to feel like myself again a little more each day. Mecan, you were right about that! Today I haven't cried yet and yesterday and Tuesday I cried almost all day. Wednesday when I was at work I swear I cried every time I walked into the bathroom.

I haven't taken the time to read any of the posts yet, but I will. I want to check in on everyone and see how you're all doing. I've missed you!! I'm sorry this was SO long but I wanted you all to know what's been going on since you've all been so good to me.

Thanks for your support!!

A~