Discussions that mention xanax

Addiction & Recovery board

I began taking 10 mg Lortabs when I was 15 years old & was using them on a daily basis by the time I was 18. I had worked my way up to 8 10 mg Lortabs a day, so I checked myself into a rehab clinic in March of this year & was released in early May. I was 21 then. I slipped up on May 25th when I experienced something very traumatic & was told that the only way I would ever recover from what happened is if I sought counseling. I have horrible problems with anxiety & low self esteem, so I never even attempted to find a counselor. From May 25th of this year to the night of August 14th, I continued taking anywhere from 4 - 12 10 mg Lortabs a day. I eventually began to hate the feeling of depending on Lortabs to do everything. When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING, from taking a shower to socializing with others. My addiction has caused me to miss work, argue & become distant with my boyfriend & family, lie to hide my habit, steal to support it & lose touch with myself. I honestly have no idea who I am anymore. Yesterday, I told my Mom that I'd been taking Lortabs every day & that I had gone a whole day without them. She asked me what made me think I could do it this time because I've tried to quit on my own so many times before & always gave up when I started feeling too bad. I slept through most of yesterday (until 6:00pm), had a very mild case of diarrhea & an increased heartbeat, so I took some Immodium AD & a 0.5 mg Xanax that my friend said would help ease the withdrawals. I'd never taken Xanax before, so I didn't know what to expect, but I won't be taking it again unless I'm getting ready to go to sleep because it made me feel completely out of it, almost to the point of feeling worse than I did before. I haven't been able to eat or drink much of anything, couldn't get comfortable last night & wasn't able to go to sleep. That could be because I slept until 6:00pm though. This morning as soon as my boyfriend & his kids woke up & started moving around the house, I broke down & cried for a good 30-45 minutes because at that time, I wanted nothing more than to be left alone. I told my boyfriend that there would be times during my withdrawals that it would be best to leave me alone. He's the possessive type, so he said it would be a big problem if I decided to stay home & deal with the withdrawals on my own. I live with my parents who are hardcore (yet functioning) alcoholics who throw parties almost every night, so I know it wouldn't be a good idea to detox at my house. All in all, I just wanted to explain my situation & see if anyone has any ideas on how I could have as peaceful & stress free of a detox as possible. I almost forgot to mention that I'll be working every day of my detox (physical work) so that's a bummer. My boss & I are very close though, so she's aware of what I'm going through. So, so far the only things that I haven't been able to ease or find a cure for are my anxiety (wanting to seclude myself / not go to work) & the cold sweats. How long do you guys think I should expect to feel rough based on the amount of Lortabs I'd been taking during the period of time that I'd been taking them? I'm sorry I wrote so much.. This is my first time posting & I just had so much on my mind. Thanks!