Discussions that mention zoloft

Depression board


Hi everyone. I just recently posted here on the relationships forum, about an event that happened that triggered my now ex bf to decide that he cant have me in his life. Ok, I will do this as quickly as I can, but I must start from the beginning. I met him at school and he just lit up my life from the start. He was so funny, caring and FULL of life! He really blew my breath away. After a week or so of knowing him he told me that he had been battling depression, he cut himself, and tried to kill himself. After that he point he said that he went to get help, was put on Zoloft and since then (which was only about a month at that time) he said that he mentally got himself back on track. He told me that he was truly happy and ready to start a relationship. He did not cut himself anymore, nor did he have the desire to do so. It took a few days to sink in, but all I could think about was how wonderful and full of life he was, so I accepted him and we moved on from there (this was this past May). Since then it has been absolute heaven, no one has treated me better, ever!
Well, here is what happened. I went into his emails (I was not thinking, I really wasnt) and I found out that about a week after he told me that he wanted to be with me (but we werent officially a couple) he flew to another state to sleep with a married woman 7 years older) and he told me that he went there only to check out a college. It was wrong to do what I did, so I told him I did it and he was livid (which I did not blame him), but even when I fessed up, it took him a several more days to tell me that he had lied to me and not just about that. He lied to me that he was better. He said that he was not and here is the real kicker. About 3 weeks ago he told me that he loved me. Well, he just told me that he felt what he thought was love ONCE, but that all his other painful emotions that he battles daily overshadowed it since then. He said that he hoped that he would get back that feeling, that it would be unburied again.
This killed me so much to know that every time he told me he loved me it was probably false. It felt so real. He said the reason that either it was never love or it was, but it was buried was that he didnt feel like he was losing something if we werent together. He said that he feels pain that I gave all of myself to him and that he really cares for me, but he doesnt feel pain that he will be losing me.
He said that he cares so much for me that he cant be with me, due to what he did (lying, saying he loved me) and because he said that he needs no one in his life so that he can get better on his own. He said that it could take years, but only time will tell when he can give 100% to someone. Also, he said that he cared more for me than himself and that if he was to be with me, he could not focus on bettering himself.
I should also mention that he has quit his Zoloft cold turkey about a month ago and since then he has not been the same.
My question here is, what can I do, is there anything to do, but to let him go. I love him so much that I feel I cant live without him at all. I want to help him, but he says that he has to help himself and not have me in his life. Is this the only way that he will be helped, to not have me be with him? Doesnt it help people battling depresssion to have loving people in their lives. Also, could he maybe love me, but with what happened and the fact that he stopped his meds cold turkey have anything to do with how he is handling this? I dont know how I can be without him, I dont know what to do!
Please someone answer! I just talked to him and he said that maybe he never even cared for me, he knew everything he said I wanted to hear! He said that he was maybe not ready to be in a relationship after all that happened. He said he screwed with me and used me and that he has done it his whole life. He said he doesnt know if he cares about anyone. Last night he was crying when he told me that he cares about me because I care about him and that he just realized that he had never appreciated me. Now he says that for 3 hrs he thought last night that he probably never cared. How can I deal with this! Is this for real? Is this the depression, is this the fact that he is going through withdrawls from Zoloft? Please let it be anything but him never loving me when I thought with all my heart that he did! Please dont let all of what I thought was real be a lie. If that is the case I dont know how I will ever get over it, or ever have faith again!