Discussions that mention zoloft

Depression board

Thanks for the reply.

I went to the GP today and she says that I've probably been depressed for quite a while throughout our marriage. She thinks that I've probably used adaptation techniques to get through thus far and over this time all my feelings have compounded into one big mess and my marriage problems have just brought it all to the surface to the point where the depression symptoms and the stress symtoms during this time of marriage problems seem to be meshing together into one big mass.

She's put me on Zoloft for a week to see how I react to it, during this week I am to have 2 more consultations with her so that she can see the bigger picture and be able to treat me properly. Obviously if the Zoloft works then she'll put me on that so as to put me on level thought patterns and not so down all the time so as to be able to work on my marriage properly.

Yes I feel like I've caused the whole thing. I've had 1 affair and 2 internet affairs during the past 10 years - not that I've sought them out but because I just want the love and attention I've craved all my life and I've wanted it from my husband - not anyone else. But when someone else came along....well....my desire to feel loved and special got the better of me. But the weird thing is, that if it's true and I've been fighting depression for years then I haven't really been the women he married and perhaps my behaviour has turned him off and he hasn't WANTED to give me what I needed. My hope is that perhaps if I change into this lovable creature, that my husband would want to give me the attention I so desperately need. But the anger and resentment he feels for my 'infidelity' may stop this from happening - not to mention my depression...so the cycle continues!

I so wish I hadn't done what I'd done - I really don't know what to do about it though, I wish I could change things. Change the way I am so that I could be more desirable to my husband and so that he would desire to lavish love on me and to make me the centre of his universe - which is where I've always wanted to be.
Quote from MommaBee:
I am glad to hear that you have done some things to help yourself learn about how to go about repairing your marriage, but I do agree with you that you cannot do this by yourself. Your husband has to want to walk along side of you.

As I said above he was willing about a month ago to do just that and I was still a bit 'iffy'. Eventually, however, just when I was starting to 'come round' all the anger and bitterness welled up and he gave up. He's just taken off for a couple of days to see of he can sort some stuff out - we will re-evaluate when he comes back. I'm terrified though.

[quote]I haven't heard anything from the moderator yet so I can't put the site here without being banned. But if you put in "marriage help" into google. It came up first for me. Has a registered trademark in the name.
This site talks about each of us having a love bank. We make deposits and withdrawls from our spouses love bank all the time. Hopefully more deposits of love units than withdrawls. When you had your affairs, you withdrew from his love bank in mega amounts. He also made withdrawls from yours when he wasn't there for you when you were ill. When nothing is deposited you risk going broke. When you are broke, you have nothing left to give. This is the time when most people will fall to having an affair.

Yes I have it bookmarked now thank you :) Yes I have heard of love banks only they were called 'love tanks' when I was reading up on it in a book. Yes I do feel that's exactly what has happened. The question is...how do we fix that? We both need our love tanks filled if we are ever going to have any hope of this working. I have no idea how to do that when he and I have so many emotional issues to contend with.

[quote]With 4 children, you definitly have your hands full. You are right that you have to be there for them. Is your husband a hands on dad or does he leave everything up to you?

Yes he's a good father, I got a fair about of support from him in that department. Although one could always need 'more' ;) but I can't really complain too much.

[quote]Are you on any medication for your depression?

Yes they've just put me on Zoloft on small dosage for a start to see how I react to it. Also my Dr isn't just 'pill popping' then leaving me alone she's searching other avenues as well. I have a long way to go - that's what scares me the most. Is that by the time I become even half 'myself' again - it would be too late for us.

[quote]Sorry for so many questions, I am just trying to make sure I give you advice that fits.
I hope you can find the site I am talking about here. My husband and I have used it a couple of times when we were having problems. I like the way it give simple ways to help.
Hang in there!

Thanks a lot - much appreciated :)
[QUOTE=Merry Menagerie]We've been married for 10 years and we've had our ups and downs and we've barely hung on all these years. Now, it seems, everything has come to a head and I feel like our marriage is falling apart and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I feel out of control.

I have also realised that I have depression and am about to see my GP about it. So at the moment I feel like I can't go on. I want my marriage to work so bad but I think I'm the one who has damaged it. I think that if I was a better person then my husband would be able to give me the love that I've always craved.

I don't know what to do or where to turn right now. I just need to talk it out I guess - I haven't spoken to anyone and I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff - about to fall off.

(((Merry Menagarie)))

I am no marriage counselor but I went through something similiar 10 years ago. I had been in a relationship for 9 years and had not been happy during that time with the relationship. I basically figured that I would just "settle" with what I had, even though it was not what I wanted. Finally, it all hit and I became depressed.

I went through psycho therapy and after 5 weeks, it was determined that the relationship was causing my depression in that I was selling myself short.

Now, my job has caused the same thing. However, I have now totalled learned the lesson to not just "settle" with anything.

Good luck to you,