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Posted by Leann on March 21, 2000 at 21:13:57:

In Reply to: Re: Starting all over again and disappointed posted by Sam on March 20, 2000 at 23:00:59:

: : Well I have not posted anything to this message board in a while, up until today I thought my seizures were controlled. My doctor had reccommended I not drive for six months, I have been faithful to those orders. I was going for six months from December 31, 1999. I had another seizure today so that means I will have to start my six months of not driving all over, under my doctor's reccommendation, because apparently I am not under control. Not being able to go and come as I please has been hard, I do not like depending upon someone else to have to take me places. Even though it is usually my husband, I still feel like a burden. Can anyone offer any insite on this.

: Leann,

: There is no easy solution to the position that you find yourself in.

: But first of all you must never think of yourself as a burden upon others.

: I too have been there and like you have had to start all over again many times. Indeed and I am still there. I kept on counting the days until I could drive again and just before I thought I would get the OK from the neurologist I would have another seizure. So the clock started again and I had to count the months down again. In the meantime being ever optimistic my brand new car (which was only three weeks old when I had a seizure and rolled it snapping off an electric light pole) sat it my garage and it stayed there for another two years. I have now sold it and took a terrible hiding on the ultimate sale on the second hand market as I have faced reality and can see that I wonít be driving for a long time yet.

: I had to learn to walk and to and catch buses and trains every where and I can tell you that was very hard for the first six months even for a very fit man like me. But after that I went through a psychological barrier and walking, taking buses, trains and riding a bike no longer presents a problems for me. I now ride my bike many miles over the course of a week. It has just become part of my life. I can honestly say that it will come part of your life and in due course it will not be the problem that it is to you now and you will find that you have a new level of independence that you didnít know that you had and that you can do things that you didnít know that you could.

: My case was made worse by the fact that my wife took off as she got involved in alternative health as a coping mechanism to handle things that were happening in her life and handle the fact that she could not face epilepsy as she had faced it as a child with her sister in a dysfunctional family which put undue pressure on her. So I canít rely on a wife or any family member or any one other than friends when they volunteer. I find that I have so many friends.

: But I have to plan to do every thing myself and if friends ring me up to help that is a bonus. If your husband is a true husband he is also a true friend and he will not mind; you are probably just too sensitive to the situation.

: I sincerely hope that things will get better for you and I hope that you reach a point in your life where you can accept this more easily. It is part of what life has dished up for us and we have to cope with it and to do it with dignity somehow. How we cope with it is the real test. My best wishes to you.Things will work out.


Thank you for your reply.

I knew I was probably not the only one with a similar situation, but this is so new to me. I was a very independent person before, came and went when I pleased. Went everywhere with my daughters, I had hopes of coaching softball this summer, but going to the ballgames will be problem. I probably will not get to coach but I will go to all the ballgames I can.

I had auras for about two years before the full blown seizures started, that was about a year ago, really a year ago this month.

I just bought a new SUV a couple of weeks ago in hopes of driving it soon but now that wait will be longer. My driving was came to a bitter end when I had an accident driving on December 31, 1999. I was on the way to the cleaners to pick up some jeans I had altered to wear that night, when I felt it coming on and I had just enough time to pull into a parking lot but still hit another vehicle. It was not near the type of wreck you experienced, but my youngest daughter was with me and when I awoke she was litereally bouncing off the walls screaming at me to wake up. She would not tell me any of the details and now she tell me she has forgotten, so we just do not talk about that day. I am so thankful I did not hurt her of anyone else for that matter. That really scared me.

I suppose I am too sensitive this feeling of having all my inependence taken away from me. No one really knows just how much it bothers me from day to day.

I still work, I ride with a friend who works in the same town that I do, I give her gas money each week. The ride with her is great I really enjoy the company.

I work at a law firm and they are really good to me, they take me to the hospital when I need to have my medication levels checked and they even take me home after a seizure. The attorneys and the other ladies seem to be really concerned about me. I have friends, who check on me and with me from time to time for various things. I used to enjoy doing that for them.

My husband has been really good to run me here and there, I do ask him from time to time if he grown tired of this yet, and of course he replies no. At the same time I can't keep from wondering if he really has grown tired of it but just not have the heart to tell me. Because now he takes the kids to school, runs the errands I used to do, and even takes me to the beauty shop and drops me off and comes back to pick me up when I am finished. He is really a good friend.

I am sure you are correct, it will get better. I really appreciated you response to my message.

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