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Posted by Patricia on October 04, 2000 at 18:54:14:

In Reply to: Re: Bladder, Kidney's, Anger posted by Sherry on October 04, 2000 at 16:46:25:

: : I have read through most of the messages on the board, funn how so many sound just like what my Husband is going through. When he returned to Germany from the Gulf, he had a big stomach, and on his over 40 physical, they tried to say it was a beer gut, well he don't drink. So then they said well maybe a Hernia, NOT, finally after an MRI they found that his bladder was the size of a basketball. After draining more than 2 liters, they said that for some reason his prostate made a shelf and caused the problem. Still no reason for the prostate to of done this, in the mean time he was medically retired from the Army since he no longer had bladder muscles and had to self cather 4-5 times a day, and could not be deployed in unsanitized conditions. Being an Engr. that was like every where they went, unsanitized. So, he ended up with 40% disability. That was in 93, in 98 his left kidney failed temporary, still no reason for it. Tests, MRI's more tests more MRI's. Nothing could be found to say why this is happening. Slowly his anger developed. Normally he is pretty good at keeping his temper at check, normally it would take alot to make him go off, but as the days, months and years go by, it is getting worse.It has gotten to the point that I feel like I have to walk on eggshells, not knowing when or if he is going to explode. Driving with him scares me as he has gotten so road raged as they say. Don't cut him off or pull out in front of him, don't beep at him, he has, ended up following people who have done this, threatening to whip their butt's, going right up on their bumpers, beeping bakc at them after he has gotten behind them. I almost am afraid to ride with him when we have to go places. Sometimes it is just a small thing that won't work right, a program on the puter, a eletronic game, whatever, he might throw it, bang it against the floor or wall. Can't begin to tell you how much I have thrown out due to it. I have tried to talk to him, telling him at least go have it checked out, but he says there ain't nothing wrong. I know that we have been through alot over the years, since he came back from the Gulf, but it slowly started before the other things in our life happened. I have been married to him for over 27 yrs so I do know him, I just don't know what or where I can go from here to help him out. Lots of times I just shut my mouth and go into another room, many times I can't shut my mouth and do tell him that he is being irrational, knowing that he just might turn on me, hoping not but knowing that he could. Anyone who can help or guide me please do. I have talked to a few others who were in his unit, some say they are going through the same thing some say no. Bless all of you
: No God Bless you! I can only inmagine how frightening this must be to you. Having a husban who is out of controll and he does'nt realize it. I would try having someone in his former unit, who has it under controll or therpy, comev talk to him about PTSD or how they can't find anything worng with us gulf vets, but many are having volient behavor possible due chemical exposure. That he may need drug -- possible antidressants to controll his volient behavor. You can try telling him, but he might listen better to an army buddy. I don't know if this is the absolute answer, but it is one avnue to look into. Good luck -- Sherry Gulf War Veteran

Thanks Sherry, it helps to know that there are some people out there that can sorta relate to the goings on. I have tried your approach before, with buddies from his unit and other vets that we had met through work, one in fact became a great friend of ours but to no avail did it turn out the way I had hoped it would. My husband feels that he went through nothing that could change him, guess that is just the MAN speaking in him. His own EGO? He says there is no need to keep going back and forth to the VA to get any monies, as he seems to think that alot of people go everyday trying to get more than they are. I have even told him well if anything at least have a check-up go through the Gulf War physical that all other Vets are going through and see what takes place. But still he just says nothing is wrong. I would like to call the VA and see if they would check him out on a undisclosed tip but have been told that they won't unless he him self comes to them. I will keep trying, I will keep my chin up and I will prevail, if it is the last thing I do on this earth. I want him back the way he was. He has never spoken of all the things he seen while there and I don't pressure him into telling me about it. When the time is right and when he is ready I guess he will. I have heard of some of the things they went through and I know it would of effected me, but I guess men try to hold their heads up and want to be stronger then the next man. Take care and God Bless

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