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Posted by Steve Knight on October 19, 2000 at 01:12:58:

In Reply to: To Freda and Steve posted by a concerned veteran on October 16, 2000 at 22:00:28:

Hello mark,

First, thank you for your words. It means a lot to connect with others who really understand what's going on...or at least that what is going on is real.

As for the certainly is out there. I take everything with a grain of salt...especially when it comes from the U.S. government. But for those with a personal interest in getting to the bottom of what is happening, I give a lot more credibility. At least they have good motives.

The sad thing is, it's often just those of us who are suffering with GWS, and ill from it, and the people who are directly in our lives wittnessing it all, who are the ones out there pushing things along.

Cant trust the U.S. government, though...They've been caught red handed in a lie, to many times already...over this exact same situation (GWS).

About depression...depression has been a symptome of the ailment(s)...I know that, for me anyway, it has not been the primary cause of all of my ills.

I didn't start out depressed...on the contrary, the depression set in after weeks (or months) of extremely intense, chronic fatigue.

Anybody claiming that it's all result of depression and stress disorder, either does not know what he/she is talking about, or they are purposely trying to spread disinformation.

Now...of course we make reports of a wide range of ailments and symptomes...such is the nature of this type of injury/infection.

We were involved in a war...It was a real war...There were real weapons used, there were real, life threatening hazards present...There were real lives lost, and permanently effected.

I don't know what in the world is so hard for some people to grasp in this concept...It's just common sense.

Further, it's well known and verified that we were in an environment where biological and chemical weapons were allowed to polute the well as depleted uranium, toxins from the oil fires, the pesticides we were exposed to...and to top it all off, it's now verrified that we were given experimental drugs as 'vaccines'....and they still don't even know the long term effects of them.

Again...This is just common sense stuff here...of course, we are at a higher risk of suffering from many different ailments, if anything we were exposed to either damaged our immune systems, or damaged our chemical balance...(perhapse even causing brain damage).

Legally, the U.S. government is required to follow up and keep well documented research on us...since they did inflict on us a biological experiment...(at least in the anthrax 'vaccine'), and perhapse a chemical experiment or two, as well.

They are failing to do this in any substantial way...They are making an effort to see the ill vets, but then they are turning around and refusing to seriously look into the probable causes of the illness(es). traumatic stress disorder, is all part of the cover up...for most of us, anyway.

If it were PTSD, I'd like to know just how it was that many vets have passed along this illness to their families.'re exactly right...We did put everything on the line, our lives, our health, our entire well being (not to forget that of our perspective families), just to carry out the interests of the U.S. government...and to engadge in a humanitarian effort, as we were lead to believe.

We earned this...and we deserve this. It is no different from any business or company being legally responcable for the injuries of it's employees, which were sustained while doing service for that very business.

If we set by and do nothing, then we will have literally been used up for the purposes of 'the greater good', and left 'hung out to dry' the old saying goes. We have to fight, because this is neither a fair, or level playing field...and it's dangerously skewed in favor of the federal government.

I understand you completely...We don't complain because we want to...we complain because it is utterly imperative that we do...Our very lives depend on this, to one extent or another.

About complaining, and 'free' money...

I have this uncle who's a veteran of Vietnam...He's often complained about agent orange, and being ill ever since the war.

The attetude of the rest of the family was that of condemnation...Story has it, that he merely became envious of another injured uncle of mine, who was recieving disability payments and not having to go to work...and he's spent the rest of his life schemeing on ways to get out of going to work, while being given an income of money.

Now, I don't know...maybe it's true...He was/is kinda crazy, after all...but my experiences as of the last several years have given me far more empathy for what he has been saying.

At the very least, I do know that he was diagnosed with depression several years back, and put on drugs for it.

...There is absolutely nothing 'free' about this compensation...A very large number of us have become genuinly disabled over this whole situation...The disability benefits are there for those of us who have suffered in this way...

...It's supposed to be the governments way of taking care of its' soldiers, and we've got nothing to be ashamed of, in seeking out this help.

Those who would condemn us for it apparently have some personal issues to sort out...(maybe they're just jealous that they don't qualify?...but only a fool would be jealous of having to live like this).

No ammount of 'compensation' will ever make up for what was lost...The potential of our uninhibited lives, is so much greater.

The idea that this is all one big money grabbing scheme is ludicrous...I did not even know that they were awarding disability benefits related to GWS, until very recently...To date, I still haven't filed a claim (though I certainly will)...My motivation in taking action was not money...I literally had to do it in order to survive...The fact that potential disability payments may be involved, is strictly a secondary elliment which came into play, after the fact.

To me, it is a ridiculous notion that I (and numerous others) would destroy my life, just in order to get some sort of pittance from the government...That is barely even an existance.

I want my life back...If I cant have it, then I'm entitled to compensation for the well as for pain and suffering...Just like every other vet who was injured.

...and yet, many people continue to purport speaking authoritativly about what our 'real intentions' are...and they attack us for seeking out our rightful entitlments.

It's a disgrace...Not only is it insulting, but I don't think people realize just how viciously their words tear through you.

You try to maintain some dignity, and it's hard enough just having to deal with the illness itself, and the personal shortcommings that result from it, let alone the anti-posative words of the verbal abuse crowd.

Battling our own selves seems far to much to do itself, sometimes.

What baffles me is...who would ever aspire to this? Who would ever willfully destroy their own life (which has far more potential value), just for the long shot attempt at being able to scrape by on some pittance 'from' the government?

I don't even care about money...I don't want 'free' money...I need the support...and that support was anything but 'free'. We vets (and many of our family members) paid a severe and heavy price for this entitlment.

I'll tell you what, though....the nasty accusations can not be made to stick. GWS has been around for nearly a decade now (at least..and it may have been around under different names before this). So many of us have been suffering with this (privately, or not so privately) most of this time.

Do to the ignorance of financial compensation that most vets seemingly have had durring this time, it seems awful hard to connect our illnesses with some alleged 'plot' to defraud the government.

The illness has merely been there...and now we're tired of playing games and want action.

Besides...speaking from personal experience, people who want to scheme do not have recuring thoughts of overdosing on pills, hanging themselves, cutting a major artery with a razor blade, shooting themselves in the head...just simply to find a release...a way out, and nothing more.

GWS is a real, living hell...and those who condemn us for speaking out, seeking treatment and suitable compensation...they should pray to god that they never have to endure this, or even a fraction of this, in their own lives.

Bless you mark...Take care.

With love...
Steve Knight

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