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Re: Surrogate SW advice HELP

Re: Surrogate SW advice HELP

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Posted by friend on September 29, 2000 at 07:51:54:

In Reply to: Surrogate SW advice HELP posted by Miranda on September 24, 2000 at 13:44:05:

Hi there.
I have much experience and some training in recovery support, which means recovery from whatever bothers one.

My idea is to bring your feelings out into the open in a kind attitude, and to see if the gap can be bridged with your friend by some honest and frank confrontation.

Giving her a chance, could you tell her what you just told us? Maybe leave off the part about not being happy for others having babies, as she cannot make herself do that.

But you might tell her you feel used in the relationship for the purpose of a way to meet her desires, and that you don't feel good about the fact that your relationship has been reduced to that.
Tell her that while you want to be there for her in her pain and sorrow, you cannot fix her feelings, and that you need for her to get some help if she needs it, but to focus on other aspects of life, too, and be grateful for what she does have. Tell her the truth of how you feel about her obsession.

Maybe she will spurn you for it, maybe she will thank you for the wake-up call. It may end the realtionship for you, but it also has the chance of deepening your friendship. Proverbs, in the Bible, says, "It is an honor to recieve a frank reply."

If one has something against a friend, love makes one go to her and tell her.

Let us know how you do and what you decide, OK?
Take care, dear.

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