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Re: Depression and sibling rivalry

Re: Depression and sibling rivalry

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Posted by Debbie on August 31, 2000 at 18:15:01:

In Reply to: Depression and sibling rivalry posted by Laura on August 31, 2000 at 16:19:13:

: First, I want to thank anyone who took the time to read this.
: I'm a 16 year old high school senior and I'm incredibly depressed. But depression is only the half of it. I hate the person that I am. I don't recall being truly happy in three years. I have no one to talk to (my parents, but I could never tell them this) no friends to give me a "pick me up" when I'm feeling down. I'll come home from school and I'll just start crying. Sometimes it's over something so simple as the house being empty. I thought at first that I could handle my depression by myself. But I can't. I wish I could change my personality, but I can't. I feel so alone.
: But again, my problem is not only depression. I hate who I am. I think I'm a bad person. I know I am. I can't stop feeling this way. An example is that I'm incredibly jealous of my sister. She's 3 years older than me, she's smarter than I am, she's the pretty one, the funny one, the outgoing one, the social one, the daring one...and I can't even compete anymore. I try to do good in school. I get a high GPA, I stopped smoking and doing drugs 2 years ago because I realized that I was hurting my mom more than I could ever imagine. Since then I've been an ideal daughter. I don't stay out late (or go out at all, really), I've been clean for 2 years, and I've removed myself from the circle of friends that got me involved with drugs to begin with. I've withdrawn myself from the social circle all together just so I would be tempted into smoking or drugs anymore. And I've tried really hard to get where I am today, but when I hold that up against all that my sisters done, it looks pathetic. So I envy my sister. I love my sister with all my heart, but at the same time, I hate her for being so damn good at everything. She's the "perfect" daughter, and despite everything that I've done, I don't feel that I'm good enough. She's left such hard shoes for me to fill. She's got the happy life, the great friends. I have no friends, and I don't want to envy her anymore. I've got to stop comparing myself to her. She's not the problem, I am.
: The person who knew me best (before she moved) even said to me, "You've got to stop comparing yourself with your sister. You'll never get anywhere by doing that." But I really can't. Maybe it's insecurity, maybe it's just my depression kicking in, maybe it's because I'm scared that she really does overshadow me in every aspect, but I can't stop.
: Anyone...I'm sorry this was so long, but help me...please.

Laura, I hear you and understand what you are going through. I want to congratulate you on the fact that you are drug and alcohol free. That is a MAJOR accomplishment, one that even adults are not always successful with. You said that you were hurting your Mom by doing these things, the truth is that you were hurting yourself more. Remember you have only one body and it is IRREPLACEABLE. So take care of it, it is precious and strong but it can easily become fragile when it is abused by drugs and alcohol. So you have done a very great thing, keep it up!

As far as your depression goes, you really need to talk to your parents about how you are feeling. I know it is difficult, but they will be so grateful that you talked to them, and you will feel better too. Parents are there to support and be there for their children, that is their job as parents, but they are not mind readers especially if you are the type to hide your depression well. If you really feel you cannot talk to them or they do not listen to you, then I would talk to your school counselor if you have one, if not then go to your principal, nothing wrong with that. But please talk to some caring adult about how you are feeling. Also, your sister may be someone to talk to. Is she caring towards you, does she spend time with you? It is natural to be envious of a sibling. But no two people can be the same (I should know, I have a sister who is older and we are as different as day and night!) Personally, I would not want to be like my sister much as I love her! I bet you if you were to make a list, you could probably come up with things that show that you are a nice person. From the way you have written your note above, I deduce that you are a very kind, thoughtful and considerate person. These are rare qualities to find these days in people; and are qualities that make human beings humane. DO you belong to a church where thay have a youth group that you can join and make some friends there, or you can volunteer with say, habitat for humanity, where you can make friends and do fun work helping others less fortunate. SO try these ideas out. I always feel better about myself when I help someone else out! I hope this helps. Please write back and let us know how you are doing, we are here to help in any way we can. Please talk to your parents. Take care and write back!

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