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Re: PLEASE READ...Im 19 and want a baby more than anything

Re: PLEASE READ...Im 19 and want a baby more than anything

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Posted by Rachael on October 04, 2000 at 16:50:40:

In Reply to: PLEASE READ...Im 19 and want a baby more than anything posted by Sarah on September 25, 2000 at 00:41:44:

: Dear all,
: I am 19 and want a baby more than anything. I know its being unmarried and young is not the "usual" circumstances under which to raise a child, but i feel i have so much to give. I have made a budget, gotten a pet (3 years with Fluffer) and babysit my nieces constantly, often for long periods. If I am not planning the baby, or if i am trying to talk myself out of it, (it'll ruin my life, im too young, not responsible enough etc.) I feel physically ill. My outlook has changed. When i go to the mall, my eyes automaticall rivet to the pregnant women and young children. I have enough money, am responsible enough, and have so much love to give. Are there any young mothers out there with advice to give me? It hurts to want it this bad. Please be understanding. I really need help here.
: Thank you
: Sarah

Sarah-I know that when you analyze your situation, it would seem that you are adequately prepared
to take on the responsibility of a child. I, too, babysat everyone elses kid and wanted my own-
and I am good with children and love them very much. I was financially set at the time I got pregnant
for Adrienne. I had been to college, had already been through one marriage (fatally abusive), and
made very good money during the time I started the relationship with her father. But-- none of that
did a bit of good when it came down to it. Raising children is a whole different ball game - they aren't
pets. They get sick, they need your undivided attention, you won't want to leave them at daycare-
which all in itself is a scary prospect, you never know what you are going to really be getting into-
children are little people with needs and wants. I was a single parent for three of her four years, it
was the hardest thing I've ever done, and I was educated. Education needs updating for better jobs
though. Sarah, I'm sure you have a lot to offer, and that you will be a wonderful mother - but ...
Please, hear the very worn out voice of experience when I say - please wait until you get married.
Having children is also better when there are two to share in it, and two to help support the baby.
There is no more painful thing to hear than - 'Mommy, I don't feel good, hold me-stay home with me"
But you have to go to work, because the budget is tight and you are barely making it on the new
expenses. (Which include: $150 per week day care, different groceries -kids are picky-,diapers,
formula,bottles, new clothes every couple months, new shoes- then when they get older and have
oppinions, more stuff - plus, your regular expenses, and unexpected ones, car repairs etc)
There is also nothing more painful than wanting to take your child to the zoo,
or to the fair - but you don't have the time or money. It honestly takes two - I missed too much.
I get to stay home with her now, but we have had a long road. I was 21 when I had her, I turn 26
tomorrow - wait, trust me, there is no preparation for it. You will have just as much love to offer
a baby when there are two people to support the baby. Mommy's don't get sick - even if you do get
sick, you still have to be a Mommy, there are no days off - or nights for that matter. If there is another
there to work, you will enjoy the experience of motherhood much better if you can take the ride the
right way. I'm not judging you, I'm scared for you - I also have 7 step kids ranging from 21-5, my
oldest step daughter just turned 20, she lived with me through a lot of the hell I went through,
parenting is hard - there are no easy solutions or handbooks. Think about things logically, not
emotionally right now - you'll be better off.

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