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Re: PLEASE READ...Im 19 and want a baby more than anything

Re: PLEASE READ...Im 19 and want a baby more than anything

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Posted by Michelle on October 12, 2000 at 13:17:38:

In Reply to: Re: PLEASE READ...Im 19 and want a baby more than anything posted by sarah on September 29, 2000 at 02:00:14:

Sarah, I was in your situation. I met me my baby's father and we very quickly decided to have a child together. Of course the
relationship did not work out. I have since married a wonderful man that loves both me and my
daughter and my daughter bio-father has married a women and they have a child together.
While I feel that my daughter is very lucky to have so many people that lover her so dearly, it is very
hard to explain to a 2 year old why she must go visit with daddy for the weekend when she has
never lived with her daddy. I went through my entire pregnancy alone. It is not fun. Yes, it is
an exciting time but I am trying to have a baby with my husband now and it is so much better to
know that someone is going to be there for me. I am only 23 years old. I had to finish
my sr. year of college as a single mother. I love my daughter dearly, but I wonder how she is going
to feel later on, having to live between two homes and it is all my fault for acting too quickly.
I do as much as I can for her to have a normal family-everyone gets a long, doing things together
so that she can see that mommy and daddy are friends, but I know that it will be very confusing.
And it is hard on my current husband because he loves her so much and desperately wants
to adopt her but her bio-will not let that happen. I love my daughter and would not give her
up for anything, but I would definitely tell you that from being in your exact situation and going
through with it, that you should wait until you have a committed relationship to go through with it.
: Dear Amy,
: I know what you are saying, but i can tell you that i am not acting selfishly here. ALl mothers act somewhat selfishly when they bring a baby into this world, not knowing exactly how things will turn out but wanting the baby anyway. I have recently been through a lot and i have become much stronger because of it, and i finally feel that i have something to give, and that i am capable of giving instead of recieving. I know, and appreciate your warnings, that babies are hard work and dont for a while tell you or show you that they love you, but i just want to share my love with them. And yes, it would be wrong to raise a child without a father if i had a choice, and so i have taken your email underadvisment and have spoken wiht my boyfriend who i love very much about this. He said he would do anything to make me happy, and that he would like to love a child of his own as well. Also, we are financially secure and could provide for the baby (trust fund plus both of us work)
: Thank you for your replies and time
: sarah
: : : Dear all,
: : : I am 19 and want a baby more than anything. I know its being unmarried and young is not the "usual" circumstances under which to raise a child, but i feel i have so much to give. I have made a budget, gotten a pet (3 years with Fluffer) and babysit my nieces constantly, often for long periods. If I am not planning the baby, or if i am trying to talk myself out of it, (it'll ruin my life, im too young, not responsible enough etc.) I feel physically ill. My outlook has changed. When i go to the mall, my eyes automaticall rivet to the pregnant women and young children. I have enough money, am responsible enough, and have so much love to give. Are there any young mothers out there with advice to give me? It hurts to want it this bad. Please be understanding. I really need help here.
: : : Thank you
: : : Sarah
: : Sarah,
: : I do know exactly how you feel.I felt the same way at 19.I (thankfully)never did get pregnant until recently(I'm 21 now).When I look back at how I felt a couple of years ago I now think that I was thinking selfishly.It is understandable that you want a baby(most girls dream about it from a very young age)but don't you think that your child deserves the love from both of his or her parents?What will you do when your child in only a couple of years asks about his or her daddy?Will you say the truth-mommy didn't love your daddy(but still"love"you even know you're half of him).Or will you say-mommy doesn't care if you don't have a family and lots of people to love you,just as long as I get what I want?
: : Let me tell you,hon,babies do not love.They don't know how to love until they are probably almost adults.Kids are very cute to look at and spend time with sometimes,But when it comes down to it they care about nobody or nothing except for what they want.And apparently,they don't grow out of that until they are adults either.Wait until you find a man that will respect and love you and a baby,and then go for it.I promise you will thank yourself when you do have babies.

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